(I am sorry I have not posted for so long but life has indeed been a bit hectic and challenging lately and every time I thought I'd be able to sit down and write the time had to be used for something else. I will try to be more consistent about writing at least weekly ongoing. Thanks for your patience.)
Is 2:1-5
This is what Isaiah, son of Amos,
saw concerning Judah and Jerusalem.
In days to come,
the mountain of the LORD’s house
shall be established as the highest mountain
and raised above the hills.
All nations shall stream toward it;
many peoples shall come and say:
“Come, let us climb the LORD’s mountain,
to the house of the God of Jacob,
that he may instruct us in his ways,
and we may walk in his paths.”
For from Zion shall go forth instruction,
and the word of the LORD from Jerusalem.
He shall judge between the nations,
and impose terms on many peoples.
They shall beat their swords into plowshares
and their spears into pruning hooks;
one nation shall not raise the sword against another,
nor shall they train for war again.
O house of Jacob, come,let us walk in the light of the Lord!
I love Advent! The scripture readings are all so full of hope and wonder. We need hope and wonder. We need true awe before the wonderful love of God. We live in such a world of neon lights, fast moving games, instant everything, that we have to go a distance to have a WOW factor all too often. When everything is in caps, or everything is in hyperbole, nothing stands out. In our high speed, high tech glitzy world, the power of awe before God can get lost so easily if we are not awake to it. We have seen all kinds of light shows and special effects so we aren't as likely to stand before a sunset with silent and reverent awe; yet in this "stillness is the dancing," the dancing that is our soul's breath. It is in the quiet that the still soft Voice speaks truth to our hearts and wins us over. In the noisy world of distractions we need to find a quiet corner in which to wait with hope, trusting to be awed by the God Who Comes like a Lover leaping mountains to reach us.
The verses above from Isaiah are familiar passages but let us hear them anew, with fresh ears and with a deep awe before the God who reveals himself in them.
In days to come,
the mountain of the LORD’s house
shall be established as the highest mountain
and raised above the hills.
A time will come when the house of the Lord, the place where God dwells, will be the pinnacle of all. A time will come when nonsense won't reign supreme. Yes, a time will come when the sacred and the holy will be revered by all or at least most. A time will come when we will come to our senses and recognize God as God and the house of God as the tabernacle of our souls. There are those who would and do say that such a hope is frivolous and itself nonsensical. The words of scripture take a different view.
All nations shall stream toward it;
many peoples shall come and say:
“Come, let us climb the LORD’s mountain,
to the house of the God of Jacob,
that he may instruct us in his ways,
and we may walk in his paths.”
The word of the Lord reveals hope for all hearts to come home to the instruction of God. Can we imagine a world in which all nations stream toward the mountain of God? A world in which the guidance of God is gleefully and nearly universally sought? Deep sigh, won't it be wonderful! We need to walk in the path of God because it is only on this path that we will find our true self. We were made by God and we will never be fully home until we are joined to God fully, and it isn't necessary that we die to be fully united with God. We were made for union with not separation from God. Hear what I just said: we were created to be united fully to God. God is at our core our true "soul mate." May this Advent our desire for God mirror a fraction of God's desire for us and we will be overwhelmed with spiritual ecstasy.
For from Zion shall go forth instruction,
and the word of the LORD from Jerusalem.
He shall judge between the nations,
and impose terms on many peoples.
They shall beat their swords into plowshares
and their spears into pruning hooks;
one nation shall not raise the sword against another,
nor shall they train for war again.
O house of Jacob, come,let us walk in the light of the Lord!
A day will come when we will finally "get it" and stopping thinking there are reasons we need to kill each other. God's word goes forth and changes us, but really heals us to be who we have always been created to be, true children of God. As we open ourselves to grace, we won't need to wield any swords. We stop needing to be right and have a greater need to be kind and forgiving. We move from the stiffness of self-righteousness to the fluidity of compassion.
Think about it. Think how much blood has been spent on the need to be right, on the presumption that my truth is truer than your truth. Think about how much blood has been spilled "defending God," or more correctly our current image of God. How prideful of us to think that God needs our protection. How patiently God waits for us to "come around" to what our souls have always known. These deeper truths that are essential are not known so much with the head as they are savored and celebrated with the heart.
If we stop tearing down, we have the energy to build each other up. If we stop wielding swords and cutting each other to pieces, we can plow the land and yield a harvest of peace. We can use the gifts within us to fertilize the land with hope and to bless with joy. If we can ever get past our fears and our "justified" anger, we can work the land rather than destroy it. Having been at the front lines of medicine for so many years now, I keep seeing folks who not only refuse to be healed but who are forever rubbing salt in their own wounds and then complaining about the depth of their suffering.
The way of hope is a way of yielding to grace. Advent reminds us to wait with hope and to yield with confidence. Somehow we are forever thinking that justice is about making sure everyone gets the same size slice of the pie which is obviously silly when we are at a banquet table that is overflowing with food. So very little of what we obsess and fight about means anything at all in terms of Real Life. We seems to be more comfortable with the wound with which we are familiar than the healing that is mystery to us, even at the same time as we pray to be lifted from our suffering.
Advent begins a new year of hope, we can choose new paths, we can let go of old wounds. We don't need to be right all the time or at all really. We just need to be healed by the Love already given to us. We just need to be open to the Light that has already come to lead us out of darkness. We aren't even asked to throw out our swords or spears but to "repurpose" them. All that energy that we wasted in fighting with each other is now to be redirected to planting blessings rather than curses, to honing each other's gifts rather than tearing each other down.
Let us allow grace to infiltrate us and infect us with holy hope and sacred joy. Let us embrace the season that prepares for the celebration of Christmas as a gift in itself rather than as a chore to be endured. Christmas has become big business, but before it was a season, it was a miracle that changed the world. Advent with all its wonderful readings reminds us how we waited for and received such a miracle as the Son of God who is the Son of Man. Advent reminds us of the possibilities that lie before our yielding hearts, possibilities of endless miracles of union with the divine. Imagine and rejoice in awe and wonder. Amen.
God bless.
Monday, November 29, 2010
Friday, October 29, 2010
The Lord hears the cry of the poor
Psalm 34: 2-3, 17-18, 19, 23
Refrain: The Lord hears the cry of the poor.
I will bless the Lord at all times; his praise shall ever be in my mouth.
Let me soul glory in the Lord; the lowly will hear me and be glad.
The Lord confronts the evil doers, to destroy remembrance of them from the earth.
When the just cry out, the Lord hears them, and from all their distress he rescues them.
The Lord is close to the brokenhearted; and those who are crushed in spirit he saves.
The Lord redeems the lives of his servants; no one incurs guilt who takes refuge in him.
The pilgrimage that is our journey through this life is a challenging one but also full of much gift. Pilgrimages are always more challenging than mere trips. Pilgrims are on a mission and their mission involves drawing near to God. Drawing near to God means estranging ourselves to all the lies and deceptions that are not of God. Unfortunately so much of modern society is founded on established lies and deceptions that have just become accepted over time. So many in the first world have been wounded in ways that believing we should look out for "number one" first at all costs seems like a truth. We believe we are "entitled" to have everything we want, and that there are no negative consequences to our appetites for more and more "stuff." We believe it is some constitutional right to "have it our way."
Now, please, I am not suggesting that we should not take care of ourselves, nor that we shouldn't enjoy nice things. It is all in how we approach things and how we are attached. We need to remember that "our ways" are not always "God's ways" and that God's ways are really what we should be seeking because the only desire of the heart of God is for the good for all of us. God desires union with us in a unfurled passionate way. Have you ever stepped out into a beautiful day and looked up at the sky and looked around at the beauty of nature and just felt one with everything? Didn't you feel as though you were intimately part of all that is in some wonder-ful way? Didn't breathing feel different? Those moments of deep awakening when we feel "connected" are wonderful, but the truth is, we are no less joined to all creation (and hence to the Creator) when we are unaware of the gift, like on a gray winter day when the windchill is minus ten.
I am again not diminishing the challenge of the bumps on the road; for my road hasn't exactly been smooth lately either. However, what we need is truly an awakened heart, for with an awakened heart we can and will bless the Lord at all times. We will breathe with the same depth of oneness on the autumn day of sunny brightness and wonderfully colored foliage as on the sparse winter day of haziness and cool challenging breezes. We will do this literally and figuratively. When "all is right with the world" (translate when things seem to be going our way), we have no trouble "feeling" connected and happy. Joy however is a deeper gift and isn't based on our immediate surroundings or our internal challenges. Joy is a choice just like love is. Joy doesn't depend on whether my stomach is full or whether or not I am lonely. Joy comes simply from knowing that we are loved unconditionally.
I am not talking about the knowledge that is the understanding or the comprehension of the mind. I am rather referring to the knowing that comes from an experience of presence. When we are close to someone, when we have touched soul to soul, we say we "know them." Or perhaps we say to them: you know me better than anyone. This is knowledge of the soul's heart. This is the land of the mystics and it is here in this knowing that is not of the mind that we come to know God and more importantly to receive an awareness of being known by God. It is here in this mystical realm, where words are so pale before the reality, that we experience Presence and are changed.
This Presence changes us in some ways but actually it awakens us to who we have always been as children of a Loving God. It is here that we learn to celebrate joy and to be a people who can bless the Lord and give thanks at all times. Folks who keep a joyful outlook and celebrate presence and thanksgiving in their hearts are not naive. They are often the most suffered of persons; for a vision of the divine clashes with the lies of the world rather violently at times (on the part of the world not the part of the joyful heart). They are however a folk confident in the truth within them; for again it is a knowing of truth not an understanding of truth; it is a celebration of Mystery without a need to dissect the experience.
We are called to awaken fully to the Presence of God within us and to celebrate with all creation the Love that is God. That is the "mission" of our pilgrimage. We are called to be a folk who bless the Lord at all times, the times that the grace is easy to receive, and the times we struggle to let go. The praise of God should always be in our hearts and color our demeanor. Our presence should infect others with goodness, kindness, and mercy. We should be the presence of the Living God for each other in all circumstances. That is what it means to glory in the Lord; to celebrate, no matter the challenge, that we are loved eternally and more passionately than we can conceive.
Of course this doesn't mean that we won't be angry or down or exhausted. Emotions are a part of our human makeup as much as is our corporal physiology. We are more than our corpuscles though, we are a mystery that is of God. In the mystery, tired, discouraged and hanging on by a thread, yet we can be light bearers, we can be a people who choose joy and who live in hope confidently because we know in all circumstances we are unconditionally loved. Then even our lowly selves battered along the way will be glad and others will "hear" the good news in our presence even on our "winter" days.
I believe this is part of the way that the justice of God cries out in us and part of the way that God confronts evil and banishes the darkness, by this simple choice for love, this simple living in the presence that makes the heart joyful. Far from the popular lies of our culture, the soul so disposed gets there not by "looking out for number one at all costs" but by letting go more and more in the simple daily turnings of life that are transformational. God does not want us to be self-effacing that is the polar lie of being egotistical. Both are estranging from the truth. Having journeyed my 57 years though I will tell you, that most of the pilgrimage especially the older we get, is about letting go, about getting out of our own way and letting God be God in our hearts, so we can actually be our true selves.
In this challenge God is very close to us in our brokenheartedness, and he saves us from being crushed time and time again. By freeing us to be a people who know they are loved because of our being drawn into God's Living Presence in some level of wakefulness, we are redeemed to live as the true servants of God. We are liberated to be the creatures we were created to be: our true selves unburdened by all the lies we have bought about who we should or should not be. When our refuge is the Truth of God we don't need shame or guilt, there is only love, holy love for in the embrace of this Love that is Being is all healing and forgiveness.
Let us then always remember that our Lord hears the cries of our poorest most broken selves and loves us into wholeness. So we in response should be a people of joy who bless and praise the Lord at all times and in all the ways of our lives.
God bless.
Refrain: The Lord hears the cry of the poor.
I will bless the Lord at all times; his praise shall ever be in my mouth.
Let me soul glory in the Lord; the lowly will hear me and be glad.
The Lord confronts the evil doers, to destroy remembrance of them from the earth.
When the just cry out, the Lord hears them, and from all their distress he rescues them.
The Lord is close to the brokenhearted; and those who are crushed in spirit he saves.
The Lord redeems the lives of his servants; no one incurs guilt who takes refuge in him.
The pilgrimage that is our journey through this life is a challenging one but also full of much gift. Pilgrimages are always more challenging than mere trips. Pilgrims are on a mission and their mission involves drawing near to God. Drawing near to God means estranging ourselves to all the lies and deceptions that are not of God. Unfortunately so much of modern society is founded on established lies and deceptions that have just become accepted over time. So many in the first world have been wounded in ways that believing we should look out for "number one" first at all costs seems like a truth. We believe we are "entitled" to have everything we want, and that there are no negative consequences to our appetites for more and more "stuff." We believe it is some constitutional right to "have it our way."
Now, please, I am not suggesting that we should not take care of ourselves, nor that we shouldn't enjoy nice things. It is all in how we approach things and how we are attached. We need to remember that "our ways" are not always "God's ways" and that God's ways are really what we should be seeking because the only desire of the heart of God is for the good for all of us. God desires union with us in a unfurled passionate way. Have you ever stepped out into a beautiful day and looked up at the sky and looked around at the beauty of nature and just felt one with everything? Didn't you feel as though you were intimately part of all that is in some wonder-ful way? Didn't breathing feel different? Those moments of deep awakening when we feel "connected" are wonderful, but the truth is, we are no less joined to all creation (and hence to the Creator) when we are unaware of the gift, like on a gray winter day when the windchill is minus ten.
I am again not diminishing the challenge of the bumps on the road; for my road hasn't exactly been smooth lately either. However, what we need is truly an awakened heart, for with an awakened heart we can and will bless the Lord at all times. We will breathe with the same depth of oneness on the autumn day of sunny brightness and wonderfully colored foliage as on the sparse winter day of haziness and cool challenging breezes. We will do this literally and figuratively. When "all is right with the world" (translate when things seem to be going our way), we have no trouble "feeling" connected and happy. Joy however is a deeper gift and isn't based on our immediate surroundings or our internal challenges. Joy is a choice just like love is. Joy doesn't depend on whether my stomach is full or whether or not I am lonely. Joy comes simply from knowing that we are loved unconditionally.
I am not talking about the knowledge that is the understanding or the comprehension of the mind. I am rather referring to the knowing that comes from an experience of presence. When we are close to someone, when we have touched soul to soul, we say we "know them." Or perhaps we say to them: you know me better than anyone. This is knowledge of the soul's heart. This is the land of the mystics and it is here in this knowing that is not of the mind that we come to know God and more importantly to receive an awareness of being known by God. It is here in this mystical realm, where words are so pale before the reality, that we experience Presence and are changed.
This Presence changes us in some ways but actually it awakens us to who we have always been as children of a Loving God. It is here that we learn to celebrate joy and to be a people who can bless the Lord and give thanks at all times. Folks who keep a joyful outlook and celebrate presence and thanksgiving in their hearts are not naive. They are often the most suffered of persons; for a vision of the divine clashes with the lies of the world rather violently at times (on the part of the world not the part of the joyful heart). They are however a folk confident in the truth within them; for again it is a knowing of truth not an understanding of truth; it is a celebration of Mystery without a need to dissect the experience.
We are called to awaken fully to the Presence of God within us and to celebrate with all creation the Love that is God. That is the "mission" of our pilgrimage. We are called to be a folk who bless the Lord at all times, the times that the grace is easy to receive, and the times we struggle to let go. The praise of God should always be in our hearts and color our demeanor. Our presence should infect others with goodness, kindness, and mercy. We should be the presence of the Living God for each other in all circumstances. That is what it means to glory in the Lord; to celebrate, no matter the challenge, that we are loved eternally and more passionately than we can conceive.
Of course this doesn't mean that we won't be angry or down or exhausted. Emotions are a part of our human makeup as much as is our corporal physiology. We are more than our corpuscles though, we are a mystery that is of God. In the mystery, tired, discouraged and hanging on by a thread, yet we can be light bearers, we can be a people who choose joy and who live in hope confidently because we know in all circumstances we are unconditionally loved. Then even our lowly selves battered along the way will be glad and others will "hear" the good news in our presence even on our "winter" days.
I believe this is part of the way that the justice of God cries out in us and part of the way that God confronts evil and banishes the darkness, by this simple choice for love, this simple living in the presence that makes the heart joyful. Far from the popular lies of our culture, the soul so disposed gets there not by "looking out for number one at all costs" but by letting go more and more in the simple daily turnings of life that are transformational. God does not want us to be self-effacing that is the polar lie of being egotistical. Both are estranging from the truth. Having journeyed my 57 years though I will tell you, that most of the pilgrimage especially the older we get, is about letting go, about getting out of our own way and letting God be God in our hearts, so we can actually be our true selves.
In this challenge God is very close to us in our brokenheartedness, and he saves us from being crushed time and time again. By freeing us to be a people who know they are loved because of our being drawn into God's Living Presence in some level of wakefulness, we are redeemed to live as the true servants of God. We are liberated to be the creatures we were created to be: our true selves unburdened by all the lies we have bought about who we should or should not be. When our refuge is the Truth of God we don't need shame or guilt, there is only love, holy love for in the embrace of this Love that is Being is all healing and forgiveness.
Let us then always remember that our Lord hears the cries of our poorest most broken selves and loves us into wholeness. So we in response should be a people of joy who bless and praise the Lord at all times and in all the ways of our lives.
God bless.
Saturday, October 23, 2010
He hears the cry of the oppressed
First reading for 30th Sunday of the year Cycle C
Sirach 35,12-14,16-18
The Lord is a God of justice, who knows no favorites.
Though not unduly partial toward the weak, yet he hears the cry of the oppressed.
He is not deaf to the wail of the orphan, nor to the widow when she pours out her complaint.
He who serves God willingly is heard; his petition reaches the heavens.
The prayer of the lowly pierces the clouds; it does not rest till it reaches its goal,
Nor will it withdraw till the Most High responds, judges justly and affirms the right.
The world seems blatantly unfair and unjust. The innocent it seems are always the ones getting caught in the crossfire. We believe that God is a God of justice and that especially God is attuned to the cry of the oppressed. Why doesn't this seem more obvious to us? We all know good folks with terrible suffering and it always begs the question: why? Why if God is just is there childhood cancer and so many other debilitating diseases? The measure of a spirituality of any flavor is what do you do with your pain? Those of us in the first world are used to power or at least the illusion of power, so we are particularly toppled when things are beyond our control. "Anawim is a Hebrew word that means 'the poor seeking God for deliverance.' Anawim (pronounced ann-a-weem) is a Hebrew word from the Old Testament which describes the “poor ones” who remained faithful to God in times of difficulty,translated as meaning poor, afflicted, humble or meek. They are the “faithful remnants” who, even in the worst of times find their security in the Creator."
The anawim are the ones who know they have no power themselves to remove their suffering other than to rely on God for healing and help. Their spirituality is one of trust and hope in a setting that seems hopeless and in which trust is certainly not intuitively obvious. I remember talking to a living saint, a little woman in el Salvador who appeared much older than I am sure she was. She lived in a one room shack and cooked over an open flame stone oven. Immediately outside her refugee home was a stream of raw sewage running down the hill on which she lived. She proudly pulled out a warm coke from her old refrigerator used as a storage unit as she had no electricity and offered us a drink, we, the charmed visitors from another world. She was honored that the priest and I came to visit her. I was so humble by her holiness,
I could barely speak. She had eyes that were so alive and yet a face that was weathered with grief and deep suffering. Her husband had been pulled out of their home and killed in front of her. One son was killed by the guerrillas and another by the army. Her only living son was travelling with the guerrillas and she had not seen him in 3 years. Her daughters too were far away presumed to be living in another refugee camp. Only one remained with her and her 3 year old grandson who played in the corner seemingly unaware of the burden of sorrow that their family had carried.
She stood a little under 5 feet tall and yet stood humbly with the quiet largesse of a queen. She told us that she trusted God because God had told us he could be trusted and that we were loved. Jesus after all loved us so much as to live, die and rise for us. She knew with certainty that although things were difficult now; one day her little family would have a piece of land so they could farm and feed themselves and maybe even sell a little of their crops to buy the things they couldn't grow, and if not in her lifetime, then in the next generation or the one that followed but God's word and promise to her would be fulfilled. She spoke with the confidence of a mystic who has known God not as a concept but as a Holy Presence. She spoke Truth and Wisdom with a gentle and holy confidence. It was a very memorable moment of grace.
We can learn much wisdom from this little anawim, we can learn the truth of the wisdom conveyed in this passage in Sirach. Our prayers and our sharing of our heart with God is never in vain. Just as God's word does not go out from God without fulfilling its mission (Isaiah 55:10-11), so our words of the heart do not go out from us and not find a home in God's loving heart.
If there is not more justice in the world; it is because too many of our human family are not in tune with the heart of God and do not move for the communal good. The power of God lies within us to free others from oppression, to be the hands and feet, the vessels of the mission of God to his people especially the anawim. We do have the power to change the world, one little gift, and one person at a time.
God has not promised that we would understand all the mysteries of life, instead God has promised to be with us and to understand us in all our struggles. It is with the heart not the head that we most fully enter in to the Living Mystery of the Presence who is God. Let us trust then when we feel oppressed or even just deeply discouraged that God does hear our hearts' every sigh even before we are finishing exhaling. In our poorest moments when we do not have the means to change our situation ourselves, we are indeed strangely in the moment of grace when we are most open to what was true all along: we need God, we need to be connected to the Creator to be fully ourselves his creation. We need the mercy of God and fortunately we don't have to prequalify, the Mercy of God is already ours just waiting for an open heart to receive what God has already so generously given.
Like the anawim may we be a people of trust and hope even in the most challenging of times, trusting the mercy and justice of God will always affirm the right.
God bless.
Sirach 35,12-14,16-18
The Lord is a God of justice, who knows no favorites.
Though not unduly partial toward the weak, yet he hears the cry of the oppressed.
He is not deaf to the wail of the orphan, nor to the widow when she pours out her complaint.
He who serves God willingly is heard; his petition reaches the heavens.
The prayer of the lowly pierces the clouds; it does not rest till it reaches its goal,
Nor will it withdraw till the Most High responds, judges justly and affirms the right.
The world seems blatantly unfair and unjust. The innocent it seems are always the ones getting caught in the crossfire. We believe that God is a God of justice and that especially God is attuned to the cry of the oppressed. Why doesn't this seem more obvious to us? We all know good folks with terrible suffering and it always begs the question: why? Why if God is just is there childhood cancer and so many other debilitating diseases? The measure of a spirituality of any flavor is what do you do with your pain? Those of us in the first world are used to power or at least the illusion of power, so we are particularly toppled when things are beyond our control. "Anawim is a Hebrew word that means 'the poor seeking God for deliverance.' Anawim (pronounced ann-a-weem) is a Hebrew word from the Old Testament which describes the “poor ones” who remained faithful to God in times of difficulty,translated as meaning poor, afflicted, humble or meek. They are the “faithful remnants” who, even in the worst of times find their security in the Creator."
The anawim are the ones who know they have no power themselves to remove their suffering other than to rely on God for healing and help. Their spirituality is one of trust and hope in a setting that seems hopeless and in which trust is certainly not intuitively obvious. I remember talking to a living saint, a little woman in el Salvador who appeared much older than I am sure she was. She lived in a one room shack and cooked over an open flame stone oven. Immediately outside her refugee home was a stream of raw sewage running down the hill on which she lived. She proudly pulled out a warm coke from her old refrigerator used as a storage unit as she had no electricity and offered us a drink, we, the charmed visitors from another world. She was honored that the priest and I came to visit her. I was so humble by her holiness,
I could barely speak. She had eyes that were so alive and yet a face that was weathered with grief and deep suffering. Her husband had been pulled out of their home and killed in front of her. One son was killed by the guerrillas and another by the army. Her only living son was travelling with the guerrillas and she had not seen him in 3 years. Her daughters too were far away presumed to be living in another refugee camp. Only one remained with her and her 3 year old grandson who played in the corner seemingly unaware of the burden of sorrow that their family had carried.
She stood a little under 5 feet tall and yet stood humbly with the quiet largesse of a queen. She told us that she trusted God because God had told us he could be trusted and that we were loved. Jesus after all loved us so much as to live, die and rise for us. She knew with certainty that although things were difficult now; one day her little family would have a piece of land so they could farm and feed themselves and maybe even sell a little of their crops to buy the things they couldn't grow, and if not in her lifetime, then in the next generation or the one that followed but God's word and promise to her would be fulfilled. She spoke with the confidence of a mystic who has known God not as a concept but as a Holy Presence. She spoke Truth and Wisdom with a gentle and holy confidence. It was a very memorable moment of grace.
We can learn much wisdom from this little anawim, we can learn the truth of the wisdom conveyed in this passage in Sirach. Our prayers and our sharing of our heart with God is never in vain. Just as God's word does not go out from God without fulfilling its mission (Isaiah 55:10-11), so our words of the heart do not go out from us and not find a home in God's loving heart.
If there is not more justice in the world; it is because too many of our human family are not in tune with the heart of God and do not move for the communal good. The power of God lies within us to free others from oppression, to be the hands and feet, the vessels of the mission of God to his people especially the anawim. We do have the power to change the world, one little gift, and one person at a time.
God has not promised that we would understand all the mysteries of life, instead God has promised to be with us and to understand us in all our struggles. It is with the heart not the head that we most fully enter in to the Living Mystery of the Presence who is God. Let us trust then when we feel oppressed or even just deeply discouraged that God does hear our hearts' every sigh even before we are finishing exhaling. In our poorest moments when we do not have the means to change our situation ourselves, we are indeed strangely in the moment of grace when we are most open to what was true all along: we need God, we need to be connected to the Creator to be fully ourselves his creation. We need the mercy of God and fortunately we don't have to prequalify, the Mercy of God is already ours just waiting for an open heart to receive what God has already so generously given.
Like the anawim may we be a people of trust and hope even in the most challenging of times, trusting the mercy and justice of God will always affirm the right.
God bless.
Saturday, October 16, 2010
Pray always and do not lose heart.
Luke 18:1-8
Jesus told his disciples a parable on the necessity of praying always and not losing heart:
"Once there was a judge in a certain city who respected neither God nor man. A widow in the city kept coming to him saying, 'Give me my rights against my opponent.' For a time he refused, but finally he thought, 'I care little for God or man, but this widow is wearing me out. I am going to settle in her favor or she will end by doing me violence.' "
The Lord said, "Listen to what the corrupt judge has to say. Will not God then do justice to his chosen who call out to him day and night? Will he delay long over them, do you suppose? I tell you, he will give them swift justice. But when the Son of Man comes will he find and faith on the earth?"
There is so much here again. We are called to pray always. A subject for a full retreat rather than a simple post. Still I think a few concepts are worth throwing out. Jesus shows us in the parable that persistence turns the apathetic and undevout heart. How much more can the grace of God work in the heart that persists in prayer? I have trouble with the traditional concept of prayer of petition in some ways. The way it has often been presented is that we need to pray to God so that he will hear our petition and help us. More or less a spiritual version of the squeaky wheel gets the grease. I suppose in some ways this parable could be seen to support this image. I have trouble with it because it doesn't fly with the image of God as a God of unconditional love. God already wants what is best for us. He already knows better than we do what we need. So why then do we need to pray for our needs and hopes?
I, of course, have no special gift of wisdom or insight to know with any certainty but I will share with you what makes sense with a God that I believe to truly love us without conditions. I was actually a child when I wrestled with what seemed to me to be a contradiction, this God of love who commanded us to pray for justice with persistence. Would a God of Love really need to be swayed to act with justice toward his children? Of course not. Yet in many places in Scripture Jesus clearly exhorts us to pray and to pray for each other as well as to pray "always." It seemed that the Spirit gave me the following understanding.
God extends grace to all of us for whatever we need. The passion of God's Love is eternally generous and eager. God is however also a respecter of our free will. He wants us to chose grace so that our relationship may be that much deeper. Often our hearts are stubborn. We want things our way and we generally believe we know what is best for whatever cause we lift up in prayer. God's vision is of course eternal and His vision is also by definition full and true. Our stubbornness needs to be softened, our hearts need to be opened to a grace already given. So God as Creator asks us his creatures to participate in healing each other's hearts as well as our own. How amazing is that, how intimate rather than aloof is our God!
God asks us to pray for each other because prayer is like a gentle rain upon the soul, it blesses and softens the surface upon which it lands so to speak. Over time the hard heart softens and becomes open to a grace already given by a generous God. God invites us into our own healing as we pray for ourselves to grow in faithfulness and grace. God does indeed do much more work than we, but we are also invited into this endeavor of love. Saint Monica prayed for her wayward son Augustine who was too influenced in his youth by the hedonism of his culture. She prayed for about 20 years before much fruit of her prayer was easily evident. Imagine the anguish of a mother so devoted to God who does not know how to get through to her son to receive the faith she longs to share with him. How many mother can relate to St. Monica's anguish? Some hearts take a longer time to soften than others and some heads are very stubborn in resisting the truth that is embedded in their very being. However once the field of Augustine's soil finally willing received the seed of God's grace; how plentiful was the harvest. When Augustine converted his ways, his zeal for God was immense. He eventually became a bishop and his writings still are encouraging souls. He as well as his mother became canonized saints of the Church.
Be persistent in prayer, Jesus directs and his devoted follower Monica echoes. Prayer isn't what we do when we cannot "do" anything else. Pray is one of the greatest gifts we can ever offer for another. Prayer is a transforming power and it changes the world one raindrop at a time. Prayer changes the one who prays as well as the one lifted up in prayer. There is no down side here. We must however have the patience of heaven and trust that God's word does not go forth from his heart and return empty (Isaiah 55). We persist not to wear down a harsh God who needs to be won over, but to cooperate with a compassionate God whose grace has already been plentifully given. We pray to work with God in opening broken but stubborn hearts, including our own, to an awareness of eternal life, to unconditional love, true healing and forgiveness. Prayer is a living power connecting creature and Creator in an embrace of healing, wisdom, forgiveness and holy joy. Prayer is the breath of the Spirit alive within us. Prayer is our very entrance into the community that is the Trinity. Imagine!
So let us not be discouraged if it seems that we pray and "nothing changes." The Spirit of God is alive and powerful. Prayer is our entrance into the water of that stream. Let us persist in prayer at all cost. Our hearts will change. Our stubbornness is not stronger than God's patience, nor is our reluctance stronger than God's compassion for us. In the end Love always triumphs.
God bless.
Jesus told his disciples a parable on the necessity of praying always and not losing heart:
"Once there was a judge in a certain city who respected neither God nor man. A widow in the city kept coming to him saying, 'Give me my rights against my opponent.' For a time he refused, but finally he thought, 'I care little for God or man, but this widow is wearing me out. I am going to settle in her favor or she will end by doing me violence.' "
The Lord said, "Listen to what the corrupt judge has to say. Will not God then do justice to his chosen who call out to him day and night? Will he delay long over them, do you suppose? I tell you, he will give them swift justice. But when the Son of Man comes will he find and faith on the earth?"
There is so much here again. We are called to pray always. A subject for a full retreat rather than a simple post. Still I think a few concepts are worth throwing out. Jesus shows us in the parable that persistence turns the apathetic and undevout heart. How much more can the grace of God work in the heart that persists in prayer? I have trouble with the traditional concept of prayer of petition in some ways. The way it has often been presented is that we need to pray to God so that he will hear our petition and help us. More or less a spiritual version of the squeaky wheel gets the grease. I suppose in some ways this parable could be seen to support this image. I have trouble with it because it doesn't fly with the image of God as a God of unconditional love. God already wants what is best for us. He already knows better than we do what we need. So why then do we need to pray for our needs and hopes?
I, of course, have no special gift of wisdom or insight to know with any certainty but I will share with you what makes sense with a God that I believe to truly love us without conditions. I was actually a child when I wrestled with what seemed to me to be a contradiction, this God of love who commanded us to pray for justice with persistence. Would a God of Love really need to be swayed to act with justice toward his children? Of course not. Yet in many places in Scripture Jesus clearly exhorts us to pray and to pray for each other as well as to pray "always." It seemed that the Spirit gave me the following understanding.
God extends grace to all of us for whatever we need. The passion of God's Love is eternally generous and eager. God is however also a respecter of our free will. He wants us to chose grace so that our relationship may be that much deeper. Often our hearts are stubborn. We want things our way and we generally believe we know what is best for whatever cause we lift up in prayer. God's vision is of course eternal and His vision is also by definition full and true. Our stubbornness needs to be softened, our hearts need to be opened to a grace already given. So God as Creator asks us his creatures to participate in healing each other's hearts as well as our own. How amazing is that, how intimate rather than aloof is our God!
God asks us to pray for each other because prayer is like a gentle rain upon the soul, it blesses and softens the surface upon which it lands so to speak. Over time the hard heart softens and becomes open to a grace already given by a generous God. God invites us into our own healing as we pray for ourselves to grow in faithfulness and grace. God does indeed do much more work than we, but we are also invited into this endeavor of love. Saint Monica prayed for her wayward son Augustine who was too influenced in his youth by the hedonism of his culture. She prayed for about 20 years before much fruit of her prayer was easily evident. Imagine the anguish of a mother so devoted to God who does not know how to get through to her son to receive the faith she longs to share with him. How many mother can relate to St. Monica's anguish? Some hearts take a longer time to soften than others and some heads are very stubborn in resisting the truth that is embedded in their very being. However once the field of Augustine's soil finally willing received the seed of God's grace; how plentiful was the harvest. When Augustine converted his ways, his zeal for God was immense. He eventually became a bishop and his writings still are encouraging souls. He as well as his mother became canonized saints of the Church.
Be persistent in prayer, Jesus directs and his devoted follower Monica echoes. Prayer isn't what we do when we cannot "do" anything else. Pray is one of the greatest gifts we can ever offer for another. Prayer is a transforming power and it changes the world one raindrop at a time. Prayer changes the one who prays as well as the one lifted up in prayer. There is no down side here. We must however have the patience of heaven and trust that God's word does not go forth from his heart and return empty (Isaiah 55). We persist not to wear down a harsh God who needs to be won over, but to cooperate with a compassionate God whose grace has already been plentifully given. We pray to work with God in opening broken but stubborn hearts, including our own, to an awareness of eternal life, to unconditional love, true healing and forgiveness. Prayer is a living power connecting creature and Creator in an embrace of healing, wisdom, forgiveness and holy joy. Prayer is the breath of the Spirit alive within us. Prayer is our very entrance into the community that is the Trinity. Imagine!
So let us not be discouraged if it seems that we pray and "nothing changes." The Spirit of God is alive and powerful. Prayer is our entrance into the water of that stream. Let us persist in prayer at all cost. Our hearts will change. Our stubbornness is not stronger than God's patience, nor is our reluctance stronger than God's compassion for us. In the end Love always triumphs.
God bless.
Remain faithful to what you have learned and believed
2 Timothy 3:14-4:2
You must remain faithful to what you have learned and believed, because you know who your teachers were. Likewise, from your infancy you have known the sacred Scriptures, the source of wisdom which through faith in Jesus Christ leads to salvation. All Scripture is inspired of God and is useful for teaching-for reproof, correction, and training in holiness so that the man of God may be fully competent and equipped for every good work.
In the presence of God and Christ Jesus, who is coming to judge the living and the dead, and by his appealing and his kingly power, I charge you to preach the word, to stay with the task whether convenient or inconvenient-correcting, reproving, appealing-constantly teaching and never losing patience.
There is just so much power in these few verses, not that all the Word doesn't hold a gift. I guess sometimes our hearts need or receive one gift better than another. I just turned 57 and I can tell you that sometimes you just get weary of the battle. You do need someone to hold up your arms to God in prayer. You do need to sit down on a rock and rest. Of course the rock needs to be the Lord. Now here, Paul reminds Timothy that he knows the truth. He challenges Tim and centuries later us, to remain faithful to what we believe and to what we know to be true. He reminds us that we have been given the power of Scripture from our infancy.
When we are young we are inspired to fight the good fight and to run with passion after causes that we know to be worthy. After more than a half century of journey, we sometimes grow weary of the cost of continuing to follow that passion, of continuing to be true to what we know with the heart of our hearts is true.
Christianity, actually any spirituality based on the truth of the Living God is not for wimps. Jesus wasn't kidding when he told us to follow him to the cross. Truth at its crux is paradox, as we draw near to God, this becomes so evident and so costly. We are full of joy in the knowledge of the Teacher received in so many wonderful cups of God who have lead us on our way. Yet our hearts know sorrow too that so many often even those close to our hearts, do not open up to the grace already given. So many choose an alienation and a suffering completely unnecessary. As a physician suffering that is not necessary is oppressive, it goes against nature. It is challenge enough to try to be a cup of healing for the unavoidable suffering that is part of the journey. Trying to heal folks who choose their suffering and resist all manner of alleviation, yet decry life for their sorrow, is more than discouraging as well as perplexing.
Would that we as Church might have incarnated the Good News of the Word a bit better by now so the world would not have much question about believing in the Love of God. As I wrote in another post, the words of Charles de Foucauld really do challenge my heart. He wrote that he wanted to live a life sufficiently good so that folks would meet him and say: If this is the servant, what must the Master be like? So, too, Paul cajoles : Remember what Jesus and all of us have taught you to be true. Remember the Word that awakened you, it's power is not diminished, it's promise has not dimmed. We as a JudeoChristian church have known the Scriptures "since our infancy" as indeed a source of the wisdom of God. We know the Living Word of Scripture is a gift of the Spirit through which God speaks to us heart to heart reproving us, and correcting us as we need it, so to train us in the way of holiness to which we are called by our very creation.
We are thus prepared by God to be "fully competent and equipped for every good work." Imagine! We are groomed to be vessels of the Living God, to be cups of the water of God for each other's thirst. God's word promises that the Spirit will prepare us and give us all that we need to serve well and to meet the challenge of all the good works to which we are called. We can fail miserably in many ways in the world or even in the organized structure of church. God does not promise us to be barons of the world. He does not promise us an easy or in many ways a "successful" ride. ( I believe Mother Theresa of Calcutta once said: God does not call me to success but to faithfulness. But he promises something much greater than worldly achievement. He promises he will accomplish his mission for our lives in the fullness of time if we will only cooperate with his grace, even a little. He does all the real work.
How many of us have jobs in which our bosses do most of the work for us? Yet so it is with our God and we who serve him. So we are asked to wait patiently for the will of God to be accomplished in us in God's own time and own way. We are called to preach the word with our lives, "to stay with the task whether convenient or inconvenient" (and the inconvenient I think has the upper hand.). We are called not to abandon hope, not lose patience no matter how weary or poured out we become. We are encouraged to use the word to lead each other home. We are to teach each other as the Spirit has taught us. We do know who our teachers are. Let us patiently remain faithful indeed to what we know to be true and more importantly to Who we know is Truth and Holy Love.
God bless.
You must remain faithful to what you have learned and believed, because you know who your teachers were. Likewise, from your infancy you have known the sacred Scriptures, the source of wisdom which through faith in Jesus Christ leads to salvation. All Scripture is inspired of God and is useful for teaching-for reproof, correction, and training in holiness so that the man of God may be fully competent and equipped for every good work.
In the presence of God and Christ Jesus, who is coming to judge the living and the dead, and by his appealing and his kingly power, I charge you to preach the word, to stay with the task whether convenient or inconvenient-correcting, reproving, appealing-constantly teaching and never losing patience.
There is just so much power in these few verses, not that all the Word doesn't hold a gift. I guess sometimes our hearts need or receive one gift better than another. I just turned 57 and I can tell you that sometimes you just get weary of the battle. You do need someone to hold up your arms to God in prayer. You do need to sit down on a rock and rest. Of course the rock needs to be the Lord. Now here, Paul reminds Timothy that he knows the truth. He challenges Tim and centuries later us, to remain faithful to what we believe and to what we know to be true. He reminds us that we have been given the power of Scripture from our infancy.
When we are young we are inspired to fight the good fight and to run with passion after causes that we know to be worthy. After more than a half century of journey, we sometimes grow weary of the cost of continuing to follow that passion, of continuing to be true to what we know with the heart of our hearts is true.
Christianity, actually any spirituality based on the truth of the Living God is not for wimps. Jesus wasn't kidding when he told us to follow him to the cross. Truth at its crux is paradox, as we draw near to God, this becomes so evident and so costly. We are full of joy in the knowledge of the Teacher received in so many wonderful cups of God who have lead us on our way. Yet our hearts know sorrow too that so many often even those close to our hearts, do not open up to the grace already given. So many choose an alienation and a suffering completely unnecessary. As a physician suffering that is not necessary is oppressive, it goes against nature. It is challenge enough to try to be a cup of healing for the unavoidable suffering that is part of the journey. Trying to heal folks who choose their suffering and resist all manner of alleviation, yet decry life for their sorrow, is more than discouraging as well as perplexing.
Would that we as Church might have incarnated the Good News of the Word a bit better by now so the world would not have much question about believing in the Love of God. As I wrote in another post, the words of Charles de Foucauld really do challenge my heart. He wrote that he wanted to live a life sufficiently good so that folks would meet him and say: If this is the servant, what must the Master be like? So, too, Paul cajoles : Remember what Jesus and all of us have taught you to be true. Remember the Word that awakened you, it's power is not diminished, it's promise has not dimmed. We as a JudeoChristian church have known the Scriptures "since our infancy" as indeed a source of the wisdom of God. We know the Living Word of Scripture is a gift of the Spirit through which God speaks to us heart to heart reproving us, and correcting us as we need it, so to train us in the way of holiness to which we are called by our very creation.
We are thus prepared by God to be "fully competent and equipped for every good work." Imagine! We are groomed to be vessels of the Living God, to be cups of the water of God for each other's thirst. God's word promises that the Spirit will prepare us and give us all that we need to serve well and to meet the challenge of all the good works to which we are called. We can fail miserably in many ways in the world or even in the organized structure of church. God does not promise us to be barons of the world. He does not promise us an easy or in many ways a "successful" ride. ( I believe Mother Theresa of Calcutta once said: God does not call me to success but to faithfulness. But he promises something much greater than worldly achievement. He promises he will accomplish his mission for our lives in the fullness of time if we will only cooperate with his grace, even a little. He does all the real work.
How many of us have jobs in which our bosses do most of the work for us? Yet so it is with our God and we who serve him. So we are asked to wait patiently for the will of God to be accomplished in us in God's own time and own way. We are called to preach the word with our lives, "to stay with the task whether convenient or inconvenient" (and the inconvenient I think has the upper hand.). We are called not to abandon hope, not lose patience no matter how weary or poured out we become. We are encouraged to use the word to lead each other home. We are to teach each other as the Spirit has taught us. We do know who our teachers are. Let us patiently remain faithful indeed to what we know to be true and more importantly to Who we know is Truth and Holy Love.
God bless.
Our help is from the Lord
Psalm 121: 1-8
Refrain: Our help is from the Lord who made heaven and earth.
I lift up my eyes to the mountains: whence shall help come to me?
My help is the Lord, who made heaven and earth.
May he not suffer your foot to slip; may he slumber not who guards you.
Indeed he neither slumbers nor sleeps, the guardian of Israel.
The Lord is your guardian; the Lord is your shade;
The sun shall not harm you by day, not the moon by night.
The Lord will guard you from all evil; he will guard your life.
The Lord will guard your coming and your going both now and forever.
Isn't amazing how much we are loved? God far from being out to get us is our very guardian, he is our shade from the heat of life, a cool place to rest and refresh ourselves for the ongoing challenge. He guards all our ways and he is ever vigilant. He guards our every coming and going. Imagine! So why do we feel so alone sometimes? Why do we feel forgotten? And why do we feel that "life" is out to get us?
Well sometimes, we may be pursued by evil, but most of the time we are our own worst enemies. We give way too much power to others to hurt us over trivial things. Partly when we are wounded, all too often we don't really let go of the hurt and so it taints other encounters and we become defensive when no one is attacking us. God is the fount of forgiveness. Maybe he is in part guarding us from our self-abuse. We are children of the King and the whole kingdom has been given us to share and celebrate. Yet we all too often act like beggars scrapping for a crust of bread. The song of the Universe courses through our souls as it does through all of creation, yet we deafen to its notes and cling instead to our fears and our all too familiar excuses of why we are oppressed and why whatever isn't our fault. Is the glass half empty or half full and even more importantly do we realize that this vessel actually holds Living Water?
I am not diminishing the reality of life's struggles as I am myself challenged lately in being even more poured out than usual. But it is important to take stock of some central truths. God loves us so much that bridging the estrangement between us remains a passionate urging of the One Who Is, the One Whose Being is Love.
The fire of love that is the mystery of the Song between Father, Son, and Spirit is so beyond all we can even imagine. Yet we know that this Love longs for us and longed to bring us all into wholeness. So it is that Jesus came to show us the Way home, and when we didn't "get it," Jesus stayed true to being the Message even to the cross and beyond, inviting us through the triumph of the cross into the fullness of our creation, a fullness that can only be known as with all creatures, in union with the One who is Creator. Why then with all this seeking on God's part of our healing, our reconciliation with him, would he not protect what he with such passion welcomed back in forgiveness to wholeness and union?
God has our back, and our front and everything in between. We are not alone no matter our daily experiences of loneliness. We are never abandoned no matter how much we may feel forgotten. Our names are written on the heart of God and God's memory is forever. Let us then lift our eyes up to the mountain of God confident that the Lord is our help and will not fail. He will shepherd us home and not let us slip on the rocks, if only we will let him come into our hearts. God does not abandon us, but sometimes we do put God off. We are weary and we know that being with God means loving at all cost. When we are tired of the cost, we may not always be fully receptive to the embrace of God. How patient is our Lover who as God calls each unique soul genuinely: Beloved! Imagine, the Lord of the Universe who made the heavens and the earth of all worlds and all manner of things known and unknown, calls us individually truly Beloved!!
The mind cannot process such things so grandiose, so profound, it is beyond the greatest of human intellects to comprehend; so let us not try. Let us receive with our hearts a Mystery we cannot ever understand, nor do we really need to. Love is not best dissected but celebrated. It is a gift to be received and cherished. God is our Guardian. We can trust like Julian of Norwich: all shall be well, all is well. God is holding all our brokenness and he will not scatter our pieces to the four corners of the universe, rather he gathers us unto His heart and breathes wholeness into us; his vision gazes upon us and his light banishes the darkness oppressing us. He lifts the weight of all the transgressions committed against us and all those we have committed and leads us to dance for joy. He is a guardian we can trust unreservedly and always. Indeed our help is from the Lord. Let us rejoice and be glad!
God bless.
Refrain: Our help is from the Lord who made heaven and earth.
I lift up my eyes to the mountains: whence shall help come to me?
My help is the Lord, who made heaven and earth.
May he not suffer your foot to slip; may he slumber not who guards you.
Indeed he neither slumbers nor sleeps, the guardian of Israel.
The Lord is your guardian; the Lord is your shade;
The sun shall not harm you by day, not the moon by night.
The Lord will guard you from all evil; he will guard your life.
The Lord will guard your coming and your going both now and forever.
Isn't amazing how much we are loved? God far from being out to get us is our very guardian, he is our shade from the heat of life, a cool place to rest and refresh ourselves for the ongoing challenge. He guards all our ways and he is ever vigilant. He guards our every coming and going. Imagine! So why do we feel so alone sometimes? Why do we feel forgotten? And why do we feel that "life" is out to get us?
Well sometimes, we may be pursued by evil, but most of the time we are our own worst enemies. We give way too much power to others to hurt us over trivial things. Partly when we are wounded, all too often we don't really let go of the hurt and so it taints other encounters and we become defensive when no one is attacking us. God is the fount of forgiveness. Maybe he is in part guarding us from our self-abuse. We are children of the King and the whole kingdom has been given us to share and celebrate. Yet we all too often act like beggars scrapping for a crust of bread. The song of the Universe courses through our souls as it does through all of creation, yet we deafen to its notes and cling instead to our fears and our all too familiar excuses of why we are oppressed and why whatever isn't our fault. Is the glass half empty or half full and even more importantly do we realize that this vessel actually holds Living Water?
I am not diminishing the reality of life's struggles as I am myself challenged lately in being even more poured out than usual. But it is important to take stock of some central truths. God loves us so much that bridging the estrangement between us remains a passionate urging of the One Who Is, the One Whose Being is Love.
The fire of love that is the mystery of the Song between Father, Son, and Spirit is so beyond all we can even imagine. Yet we know that this Love longs for us and longed to bring us all into wholeness. So it is that Jesus came to show us the Way home, and when we didn't "get it," Jesus stayed true to being the Message even to the cross and beyond, inviting us through the triumph of the cross into the fullness of our creation, a fullness that can only be known as with all creatures, in union with the One who is Creator. Why then with all this seeking on God's part of our healing, our reconciliation with him, would he not protect what he with such passion welcomed back in forgiveness to wholeness and union?
God has our back, and our front and everything in between. We are not alone no matter our daily experiences of loneliness. We are never abandoned no matter how much we may feel forgotten. Our names are written on the heart of God and God's memory is forever. Let us then lift our eyes up to the mountain of God confident that the Lord is our help and will not fail. He will shepherd us home and not let us slip on the rocks, if only we will let him come into our hearts. God does not abandon us, but sometimes we do put God off. We are weary and we know that being with God means loving at all cost. When we are tired of the cost, we may not always be fully receptive to the embrace of God. How patient is our Lover who as God calls each unique soul genuinely: Beloved! Imagine, the Lord of the Universe who made the heavens and the earth of all worlds and all manner of things known and unknown, calls us individually truly Beloved!!
The mind cannot process such things so grandiose, so profound, it is beyond the greatest of human intellects to comprehend; so let us not try. Let us receive with our hearts a Mystery we cannot ever understand, nor do we really need to. Love is not best dissected but celebrated. It is a gift to be received and cherished. God is our Guardian. We can trust like Julian of Norwich: all shall be well, all is well. God is holding all our brokenness and he will not scatter our pieces to the four corners of the universe, rather he gathers us unto His heart and breathes wholeness into us; his vision gazes upon us and his light banishes the darkness oppressing us. He lifts the weight of all the transgressions committed against us and all those we have committed and leads us to dance for joy. He is a guardian we can trust unreservedly and always. Indeed our help is from the Lord. Let us rejoice and be glad!
God bless.
Friday, October 15, 2010
The power of prayer in our struggles
Exodus 17: 8-13 First reading for 29th Sunday Cycle C
Amalek came and waged war against Israel. Moses therefore, said to Joshua, "Pick out certain men, and tomorrow go out and engage the Amalek in battle. I will be standing on top of the hill with the staff of God in my hand." So Joshua did as Moses told him: he engaged Amalek in battle after Moses had climbed to the top of the hill with Aaron and Hur. As long as Moses kept his hands raised up, Israel had the better of the fight, but when he left his hands rest, Amalek had the better of the fight. Moses' hands, however grew tired; so they put a rock in place for him to sit on. Meanwhile Aaron and Hur supported his hands, one on one side and one on the other, so that his hands remained steady until sunset. And Joshua mowed down Amalek and his people with the edge of the sword.
First note that Amalek attacked Israel. Amalek here for us represents evil attacking the soul. Amalek attacked without provocation and attacked the weakest Israelites; raiding the camp and killing the weakest of the people of Israel. Amalek attacked when the Israelites were escaping Egypt. They were leaving slavery. God delivered them from bondage. They were however not very strong or well recovered from the beginning of their exodus. So they were not a threat to Amalek, and Amalek hit them when they were down and vulnerable. So too it often seems that the negative challenges in our own lives creep in and hit us when we are weakened already and so most susceptible. God delivers us from our bondage in many ways. He then allows the community to support us when we are most vulnerable to unexpected attacks, so that evil will never triumph.
Moses leads Joshua to take on this attack of evil and promises that he will be near supporting the warriors in prayer. As long as he prays and lifts his hands to God the battle goes well, but when he wearies, the battle does not go well. So Aaron and Hur help him to pray and to keep his arms lifted to God. When we are battling negative forces in our own lives, we try to keep our hearts lifted to God and our arms raised in prayer if you will. But sometimes we get discouraged and weary so our "arms" and our direction drops. We have a harder time focusing on the greatness of God and the faithfulness of God sometimes when we are weak, tired and challenged. So just as Aaron and Hur helped Moses we have communities of folks who help lift us up and keep our "arms," our hearts lifted to God.
We do not go home alone and we cannot fight all the battles against evil alone. We need each other and we need the help of God to have the energy to fight the good fight. There are many challenges in our world and much injustice. In the face of so much that needs fixing how do we choose which battle to fight and how do we keep energized on the crusade? We need each other. We need to pray for each other, to be in touch with each other, to keep each other lifted up; when one gets weary, another has strength. We simply do not go home alone, our journeys aren't meant to be solo treks. We are made for community, for human family, for connecting one to another at some primal level of our creation. Connecting with each other is in part how we connect with God and God with us. Our gifts ignite in the community we serve.
Prayer is the soul's conversation with the divine, but even more so it is the soul's reception of a song that is presence, that is Living Love. Prayer takes us home to God and grounds us therefore in ourselves fully. Just as there are a plethora of personas, so too the music of each person's prayer is unique. But even in these private and silent connections of our heart to the One who created our heart, we are supported and encouraged by the presence of others on the journey. They don't have to understand us or our relationship to God nor do they have to understand our current battle with evil or darkness or simply the challenges of our daily lives. But their presence "holds us up," keeping us from defeat in the inevitable weariness that is part of everyone's journey.
So may we look for ways to support each other in prayer and simple ways that we can bear each other up to keep on fighting the good fight, to keep on persevering in caring about the things that really matter and working for good in whatever ways we can, never giving in to the darkness but trusting the Light of God's promise to us.
God bless.
Amalek came and waged war against Israel. Moses therefore, said to Joshua, "Pick out certain men, and tomorrow go out and engage the Amalek in battle. I will be standing on top of the hill with the staff of God in my hand." So Joshua did as Moses told him: he engaged Amalek in battle after Moses had climbed to the top of the hill with Aaron and Hur. As long as Moses kept his hands raised up, Israel had the better of the fight, but when he left his hands rest, Amalek had the better of the fight. Moses' hands, however grew tired; so they put a rock in place for him to sit on. Meanwhile Aaron and Hur supported his hands, one on one side and one on the other, so that his hands remained steady until sunset. And Joshua mowed down Amalek and his people with the edge of the sword.
First note that Amalek attacked Israel. Amalek here for us represents evil attacking the soul. Amalek attacked without provocation and attacked the weakest Israelites; raiding the camp and killing the weakest of the people of Israel. Amalek attacked when the Israelites were escaping Egypt. They were leaving slavery. God delivered them from bondage. They were however not very strong or well recovered from the beginning of their exodus. So they were not a threat to Amalek, and Amalek hit them when they were down and vulnerable. So too it often seems that the negative challenges in our own lives creep in and hit us when we are weakened already and so most susceptible. God delivers us from our bondage in many ways. He then allows the community to support us when we are most vulnerable to unexpected attacks, so that evil will never triumph.
Moses leads Joshua to take on this attack of evil and promises that he will be near supporting the warriors in prayer. As long as he prays and lifts his hands to God the battle goes well, but when he wearies, the battle does not go well. So Aaron and Hur help him to pray and to keep his arms lifted to God. When we are battling negative forces in our own lives, we try to keep our hearts lifted to God and our arms raised in prayer if you will. But sometimes we get discouraged and weary so our "arms" and our direction drops. We have a harder time focusing on the greatness of God and the faithfulness of God sometimes when we are weak, tired and challenged. So just as Aaron and Hur helped Moses we have communities of folks who help lift us up and keep our "arms," our hearts lifted to God.
We do not go home alone and we cannot fight all the battles against evil alone. We need each other and we need the help of God to have the energy to fight the good fight. There are many challenges in our world and much injustice. In the face of so much that needs fixing how do we choose which battle to fight and how do we keep energized on the crusade? We need each other. We need to pray for each other, to be in touch with each other, to keep each other lifted up; when one gets weary, another has strength. We simply do not go home alone, our journeys aren't meant to be solo treks. We are made for community, for human family, for connecting one to another at some primal level of our creation. Connecting with each other is in part how we connect with God and God with us. Our gifts ignite in the community we serve.
Prayer is the soul's conversation with the divine, but even more so it is the soul's reception of a song that is presence, that is Living Love. Prayer takes us home to God and grounds us therefore in ourselves fully. Just as there are a plethora of personas, so too the music of each person's prayer is unique. But even in these private and silent connections of our heart to the One who created our heart, we are supported and encouraged by the presence of others on the journey. They don't have to understand us or our relationship to God nor do they have to understand our current battle with evil or darkness or simply the challenges of our daily lives. But their presence "holds us up," keeping us from defeat in the inevitable weariness that is part of everyone's journey.
So may we look for ways to support each other in prayer and simple ways that we can bear each other up to keep on fighting the good fight, to keep on persevering in caring about the things that really matter and working for good in whatever ways we can, never giving in to the darkness but trusting the Light of God's promise to us.
God bless.
Saturday, October 9, 2010
Another one stitch story: the story of Ginny and Betty.
Jim was dying. Jim knew that; so did his wife, Betty. He had his final heart attack and it was just a matter of time. Nothing else could be done. Betty had loved Jim for over forty years; it was not easy to say good bye. The CCU nurse, Ginny, also knew there was nothing she could do but help keep Jim comfortable. She brought Betty into Jim's room. She could see that Betty wanted to kiss and hold her dying husband but she was too short to reach over the bed rail. All Ginny did was lower the bed rail and give the couple a moment of privacy for a final kiss and a last embrace. Shortly afterwards Jim's tired heart gave out.
Years went by and Ginny ran into Betty in the supermarket. Betty embraced her and told Ginny she would always be grateful to her for lowering the bed rail and allowing her to kiss her husband good bye while he was still breathing. Betty had never forgotten that precious"stitch." How great a gift does lowering a bed rail seem but for Betty it was no less a measure of God's love than the miracle of the loaves and the fish were for those who heard Christ that day and whose hunger was appeased. Betty hungered to embrace her Jim and Ginny was the miracle, the cup of God that made it happen and appeased the hunger.
Ginny certainly hadn't thought anything about her act of kindness. It was a very ordinary thing to do. She didn't imagine she was performing any great act of love or doing anything amazing. In fact if she felt anything that day she felt helpless because as a nurse she couldn't offer more help. Yet God weaves a pattern through our lives one stitch at a time and reveals a truly miraculous tapestry, one glimpse at at time when we most need the assurance that our lives are serving, that we do make a difference.
It is the one stitches of life that change the world one heart at a time. We don't therefore have to do obvious "great" things in the world to make a difference and to change the world in positive ways. God is a master weaver. We may feel unraveled and frayed. God sees but a collection of one stitch opportunities just waiting to be connected in His Love to the tapestry of his heart.
God bless all our "one stitch" moments as both receivers and givers.
Years went by and Ginny ran into Betty in the supermarket. Betty embraced her and told Ginny she would always be grateful to her for lowering the bed rail and allowing her to kiss her husband good bye while he was still breathing. Betty had never forgotten that precious"stitch." How great a gift does lowering a bed rail seem but for Betty it was no less a measure of God's love than the miracle of the loaves and the fish were for those who heard Christ that day and whose hunger was appeased. Betty hungered to embrace her Jim and Ginny was the miracle, the cup of God that made it happen and appeased the hunger.
Ginny certainly hadn't thought anything about her act of kindness. It was a very ordinary thing to do. She didn't imagine she was performing any great act of love or doing anything amazing. In fact if she felt anything that day she felt helpless because as a nurse she couldn't offer more help. Yet God weaves a pattern through our lives one stitch at a time and reveals a truly miraculous tapestry, one glimpse at at time when we most need the assurance that our lives are serving, that we do make a difference.
It is the one stitches of life that change the world one heart at a time. We don't therefore have to do obvious "great" things in the world to make a difference and to change the world in positive ways. God is a master weaver. We may feel unraveled and frayed. God sees but a collection of one stitch opportunities just waiting to be connected in His Love to the tapestry of his heart.
God bless all our "one stitch" moments as both receivers and givers.
another one stitch story: the story of Martha and Jane
This morning had been the last straw for Martha. At thirty she saw no reason to cling to life. Her only true love, Michael, had died in a tragic accident ten years earlier. Lonely with a one year old child she had to raise alone, she had too quickly taken up with George. She thought his drinking would stop once they were married, but it didn't. She never dreamed he would hit her, but he did repeatedly over five long years before she had the strength to leave him. She had to protect her children: little Michael, the child of her heart's only real love and little Mary, the product of the only pregnancy in three to survive George's cruelties. Her children were her life. She tried to do the right thing by them, but it was very hard being a single mother. She had married young and planned to go back to school. Then Michael had died and she had married George who would hear none of her dreams and "forbade" her to go to school or to work. She had drifted in and out of depression. She worked a few places but seldom for very long for the places she worked didn't believe in accommodating a single parent with sick children.
Michael had been diagnosed with acute myelocytic leukemia three years earlier. Chemotherapy put him into remission for 18 months. She was glad at least that she had lost her last job when she did and so qualified for welfare so at least some of the hospital bills could be paid and Michael could have the bone marrow transplant he needed. That had been 16 months ago and unfortunately it hadn't worked. The leukemia returned 8 months ago and Michael had left her and joined his namesake father. Still she had held on for little Mary, they were all alone in the world. Martha's parents had died in a plane crash two years before she married Michael and her only sister died of breast cancer before little Michael became ill. Michael's parents had never really gotten close to her and they lived 1000 miles away. When she remarried, they just severed all ties despite little Michael's need for grandparents. George had severed all ties with his family long before he married Martha. So it was just Martha and little Mary now.
With no family and no skills, it is hard to find a job that will afford the cost of daycare. Mary was only 5 after all. So Martha worked part-time as a check out clerk in the local supermarket. Maybe when Mary was in school all day next year, she could work more, make "more" of their life. That was before this morning. Mary had been okay last night, except for a little cold. Martha read her favorite bedtime story and gave her a teaspoon of generic Dimetapp and tucked her into bed. She checked Mary three hours later before going to bed herself, noticed she had a little fever, woke her up long enough to give her some Tylenol and asked her how she felt. Mary said she had a headache. She told Martha: I love you, Mommy and fell back to sleep. Her fever seemed to decrease some and Mary seemed to be resting, so Martha went to bed. She woke up a couple hours later to a gasping sound coming from Mary's room. She found Mary in the throes of a seizure. She called 911 in a panic.
The ambulance seemed to take forever to arrive even though it was only a few minutes. The squad took Mary and Martha to the nearest hospital. Mary, the doctor told Martha, had meningitis, treatment had a already begun but Mary had suffered two more seizures in the ER. They had given her medication, but Martha needed to understand that Mary was critically ill. Mary was flown to the area's pediatric teaching hospital. Martha prayed all night by her side in the ICU. Mary never regained consciousness. At 6 am she had another seizure despite all the medicine and her heart stopped. Doctors tried to resuscitate her repeatedly as she hovered between life and death; but an hour later there was nothing more they could do and Mary too died despite all efforts to save her. There would be an autopsy, but they were pretty certain that Mary had succumbed to meningococcal meningitis which is just so deadly that sometimes nothing helps.
Martha would need treatment also to prevent her becoming ill.
Nurses, a social worker, and someone from pastoral ministry came and talked with Martha. She felt dead inside though and couldn't hear anything they said really. She thanked them for their help, insisted there was no one they could call for her and that she would just take a bus home, and no, she didn't need a cab voucher. She left the hospital and remembered that the inner city hospital was close to the lake. Yes, she would walk to the lake and join those she loved. What else was there left to do? Why should she live? No one cared about her anymore; all those she cared about were now dead, even her little Mary had left her. Her heart felt dead already. She looked around at the strangers on the street as the city came to life that morning. She felt invisible. No one looked at each other; each was absorbed in their own agenda. The world will never miss me; I don't even know why I was here in the first place. Yes, the lake is the answer. Find an isolated place and just take a walk into oblivion. Martha walked finally with a purpose. She like everyone else around her saw no one else, just a herd of humanity.
Jane had trouble waking that morning, she liked the new job downtown but she didn't like the extra hour and a half earlier she had to get up to get there . Still she had learned a new outlook on life this past year and it gave her the strength to get up and get going even if her body just wanted to crawl back underneath the covers. To think a year ago she wasn't too sure she would still be alive. At 29 no woman expects to hear the doctor say "cancer." Thankfully, they had caught her breast cancer very early. She had survived prophylactic chemotherapy and the brush with her own mortality had taught her to live. She had been unable to conceive and the infertility workup and treatments had put a real stress on her marriage. Facing the reality of her mortality had made both she and her husband, Tom, do some real soul searching. Not only had they found a renewed love for each other, but God had become central in their life again.
It had been a year of challenge, but ultimately of renewal. Jane knew now life was as uncertain as it was wonderful. So she and Tom had resolved not to waste a moment of it. Jane walked from the subway station a few blocks to her office building. Her new approach to life gave her a different attitude to the strangers around her. She decided to really acknowledge those she passed on the street. All she said to them was"Good Morning!" but she did so sincerely and she looked each person in the eye as much as anyone allowed her to do so. It was a simple little gesture, but Jane felt committed not only to celebrating her own life, but in this small way to acknowledging the gift of the lives of those around her as well. This"Good Morning" ritual had become so much a part of her that she barely thought about it consciously anymore; it was just part of breathing for her. It was part of the fabric of who Jane had become. It was a genuine part of her song of life.
Jane and Martha crossed paths for only a few seconds. Jane looked into Martha's tear-filled eyes and said: "Good Morning!" and then seeing Martha's obvious pain she added: "GOD BLESS YOU!!" and then the stream of morning humanity swept them away from each other. It hardly seemed a saving act, certainly nothing heroic or seemingly extraordinary. However the sincerity of Jane's "Good Morning" broke through Martha's shroud with enough light to stop her in her tracks. That stranger cared enough about me to ask God to bless me! My Michael loved me like that and more. He would have wanted me to carry on but the pain is too great I can't do it alone. Please someone help me. Please, God help me, I can't, I just can't bear anymore. Martha saw a policeman parked at the street talking to a shopkeeper. With the strength she received from Jane's greeting, she approached him and simply said: I need help.
Martha was hospitalized two weeks and had outpatient therapy for six months but eventually went back to school and became a nurse. Five years after Mary's death she married a fellow nurse named Joe and knew at long last a love that was sacred again. Five years after that she walked into the room of her new admission, a 40 year old woman with recurrent metastatic breast cancer who was admitted for chemotherapy. Her name was Jane. Martha introduced herself. When Jane smiled weakly and said: "Good Morning!," Martha knew this was the woman who had saved her life so long before. Martha started crying and Jane said: "Please, I'm not dead yet!. Then Martha told her a story of "one stitch" in time that held the tapestry together. Martha helped Jane endure and persevere through the challenge of chemo and later radiation; both of their lives forever changed by the other, one stitch at a time.
May we be open to all the ways we can provide one needed stitch for each other's tapestries as we journey together through life.
God bless us all.
Michael had been diagnosed with acute myelocytic leukemia three years earlier. Chemotherapy put him into remission for 18 months. She was glad at least that she had lost her last job when she did and so qualified for welfare so at least some of the hospital bills could be paid and Michael could have the bone marrow transplant he needed. That had been 16 months ago and unfortunately it hadn't worked. The leukemia returned 8 months ago and Michael had left her and joined his namesake father. Still she had held on for little Mary, they were all alone in the world. Martha's parents had died in a plane crash two years before she married Michael and her only sister died of breast cancer before little Michael became ill. Michael's parents had never really gotten close to her and they lived 1000 miles away. When she remarried, they just severed all ties despite little Michael's need for grandparents. George had severed all ties with his family long before he married Martha. So it was just Martha and little Mary now.
With no family and no skills, it is hard to find a job that will afford the cost of daycare. Mary was only 5 after all. So Martha worked part-time as a check out clerk in the local supermarket. Maybe when Mary was in school all day next year, she could work more, make "more" of their life. That was before this morning. Mary had been okay last night, except for a little cold. Martha read her favorite bedtime story and gave her a teaspoon of generic Dimetapp and tucked her into bed. She checked Mary three hours later before going to bed herself, noticed she had a little fever, woke her up long enough to give her some Tylenol and asked her how she felt. Mary said she had a headache. She told Martha: I love you, Mommy and fell back to sleep. Her fever seemed to decrease some and Mary seemed to be resting, so Martha went to bed. She woke up a couple hours later to a gasping sound coming from Mary's room. She found Mary in the throes of a seizure. She called 911 in a panic.
The ambulance seemed to take forever to arrive even though it was only a few minutes. The squad took Mary and Martha to the nearest hospital. Mary, the doctor told Martha, had meningitis, treatment had a already begun but Mary had suffered two more seizures in the ER. They had given her medication, but Martha needed to understand that Mary was critically ill. Mary was flown to the area's pediatric teaching hospital. Martha prayed all night by her side in the ICU. Mary never regained consciousness. At 6 am she had another seizure despite all the medicine and her heart stopped. Doctors tried to resuscitate her repeatedly as she hovered between life and death; but an hour later there was nothing more they could do and Mary too died despite all efforts to save her. There would be an autopsy, but they were pretty certain that Mary had succumbed to meningococcal meningitis which is just so deadly that sometimes nothing helps.
Martha would need treatment also to prevent her becoming ill.
Nurses, a social worker, and someone from pastoral ministry came and talked with Martha. She felt dead inside though and couldn't hear anything they said really. She thanked them for their help, insisted there was no one they could call for her and that she would just take a bus home, and no, she didn't need a cab voucher. She left the hospital and remembered that the inner city hospital was close to the lake. Yes, she would walk to the lake and join those she loved. What else was there left to do? Why should she live? No one cared about her anymore; all those she cared about were now dead, even her little Mary had left her. Her heart felt dead already. She looked around at the strangers on the street as the city came to life that morning. She felt invisible. No one looked at each other; each was absorbed in their own agenda. The world will never miss me; I don't even know why I was here in the first place. Yes, the lake is the answer. Find an isolated place and just take a walk into oblivion. Martha walked finally with a purpose. She like everyone else around her saw no one else, just a herd of humanity.
Jane had trouble waking that morning, she liked the new job downtown but she didn't like the extra hour and a half earlier she had to get up to get there . Still she had learned a new outlook on life this past year and it gave her the strength to get up and get going even if her body just wanted to crawl back underneath the covers. To think a year ago she wasn't too sure she would still be alive. At 29 no woman expects to hear the doctor say "cancer." Thankfully, they had caught her breast cancer very early. She had survived prophylactic chemotherapy and the brush with her own mortality had taught her to live. She had been unable to conceive and the infertility workup and treatments had put a real stress on her marriage. Facing the reality of her mortality had made both she and her husband, Tom, do some real soul searching. Not only had they found a renewed love for each other, but God had become central in their life again.
It had been a year of challenge, but ultimately of renewal. Jane knew now life was as uncertain as it was wonderful. So she and Tom had resolved not to waste a moment of it. Jane walked from the subway station a few blocks to her office building. Her new approach to life gave her a different attitude to the strangers around her. She decided to really acknowledge those she passed on the street. All she said to them was"Good Morning!" but she did so sincerely and she looked each person in the eye as much as anyone allowed her to do so. It was a simple little gesture, but Jane felt committed not only to celebrating her own life, but in this small way to acknowledging the gift of the lives of those around her as well. This"Good Morning" ritual had become so much a part of her that she barely thought about it consciously anymore; it was just part of breathing for her. It was part of the fabric of who Jane had become. It was a genuine part of her song of life.
Jane and Martha crossed paths for only a few seconds. Jane looked into Martha's tear-filled eyes and said: "Good Morning!" and then seeing Martha's obvious pain she added: "GOD BLESS YOU!!" and then the stream of morning humanity swept them away from each other. It hardly seemed a saving act, certainly nothing heroic or seemingly extraordinary. However the sincerity of Jane's "Good Morning" broke through Martha's shroud with enough light to stop her in her tracks. That stranger cared enough about me to ask God to bless me! My Michael loved me like that and more. He would have wanted me to carry on but the pain is too great I can't do it alone. Please someone help me. Please, God help me, I can't, I just can't bear anymore. Martha saw a policeman parked at the street talking to a shopkeeper. With the strength she received from Jane's greeting, she approached him and simply said: I need help.
Martha was hospitalized two weeks and had outpatient therapy for six months but eventually went back to school and became a nurse. Five years after Mary's death she married a fellow nurse named Joe and knew at long last a love that was sacred again. Five years after that she walked into the room of her new admission, a 40 year old woman with recurrent metastatic breast cancer who was admitted for chemotherapy. Her name was Jane. Martha introduced herself. When Jane smiled weakly and said: "Good Morning!," Martha knew this was the woman who had saved her life so long before. Martha started crying and Jane said: "Please, I'm not dead yet!. Then Martha told her a story of "one stitch" in time that held the tapestry together. Martha helped Jane endure and persevere through the challenge of chemo and later radiation; both of their lives forever changed by the other, one stitch at a time.
May we be open to all the ways we can provide one needed stitch for each other's tapestries as we journey together through life.
God bless us all.
one stitch
We're bringing in a 50 year old man who was in your ER earlier for bleeding from his leg. His leg started to bleed again, we have the bleeding controlled with pressure. Vitals are as follows: BP 168/96 Pulse100 Respiration 22. Our ETA is 3 minutes. Any questions or further orders?
No questions or orders we'll be awaiting your arrival.
Mr."Young" arrived in stable condition, was placed on a cart and a new set of vitals was taken. The varicose vein that was causing the bleeding from his left leg had indeed already stopped bleeding with the pressure the paramedics had applied. However, Mr. Young was very frustrated. He had in the previous 36 hours been in the ER twice for the same problem only to have the bleeding resume once he started moving normally. I suggested that since chemical cautery had not resolved the problem, that I simply put a stitch in to maintain pressure on the vein until the body had a chance to repair the vein's defect. Mr. Young agreed and I simply cleansed the affected area of his leg and put in one stitch. I told him I hoped this solved the problem, but I made him no promises and instructed him to have the suture removed in 7-10 days. I wrote his chart and sent him on his way. Our whole interaction probably lasted 5 minutes, From my point of view this was hardly an exceptional or memorable encounter. I wasn't involved in stabilizing any critical problem that helped to save his life nor had I resolved any horrible suffering on his part. I just put one stitch in a bothersome varicose vein in his leg, hardly brain surgery so to speak.
I would not have remembered the event at all had Mr. Young not returned to the ER a few years later when I was on duty for treatment of a nosebleed. I didn't particularly recognize him but he knew me right off. I explained that I needed to put a nasal packing in to control his bleeding and that the process would be uncomfortable. He replied with utter confidence: I trust you completely doc, after all you were the only one who knew what to do for me last time! (Apparently the stitch had worked.) He let me know that since I had "so brilliantly" fixed his leg the last time he had experienced no further problems. I packed his nose, got his blood pressure under control, and again sent him on his way.
I know that what I did for Mr. Young initially was hardly worth remembering from my point of view anyway. He had a nuisance problem and I offered a simple solution with the most minimal of intervention. Yet genuinely Mr. Young treated me like I had saved his life. When I asked the nurses I worked with about Mr. Young's response to the minimal I believed I had done for him, they told me: Yes, it wasn't a big deal, but you fixed the problem and for him that's all that mattered. His responses led me to a deeper vision of our interactions with each other. Perhaps there are many times and ways in which the "one stitches" offered in our lives are truly lifesaving for others.
We usually don't really notice these "one stitches" of our lives because they seem so trivial. However to the one receiving the stitch the gift may be truly salvific. We are all part of each other's tapestries. We do not go home alone no matter how alone our lives may at times seem. Every day we touch each other's lives with similar one stitch stories and never notice the blessing we have for been for each other. The love of God is like this. We seldom notice the rain much unless there is drought or flooding or we have plans that call for sunshine. Still the wetness of the rain does not vary. What varies is the ground of our lives upon which the "rain" falls. So at times a sincere "Good morning!"(see next one touch story) can save a life and one well placed suture can seem like a miracle.
Think about your own life. I'm sure you may come up with some "one stitches" of your own for which to be amazed both as giver and receiver
God bless.
No questions or orders we'll be awaiting your arrival.
Mr."Young" arrived in stable condition, was placed on a cart and a new set of vitals was taken. The varicose vein that was causing the bleeding from his left leg had indeed already stopped bleeding with the pressure the paramedics had applied. However, Mr. Young was very frustrated. He had in the previous 36 hours been in the ER twice for the same problem only to have the bleeding resume once he started moving normally. I suggested that since chemical cautery had not resolved the problem, that I simply put a stitch in to maintain pressure on the vein until the body had a chance to repair the vein's defect. Mr. Young agreed and I simply cleansed the affected area of his leg and put in one stitch. I told him I hoped this solved the problem, but I made him no promises and instructed him to have the suture removed in 7-10 days. I wrote his chart and sent him on his way. Our whole interaction probably lasted 5 minutes, From my point of view this was hardly an exceptional or memorable encounter. I wasn't involved in stabilizing any critical problem that helped to save his life nor had I resolved any horrible suffering on his part. I just put one stitch in a bothersome varicose vein in his leg, hardly brain surgery so to speak.
I would not have remembered the event at all had Mr. Young not returned to the ER a few years later when I was on duty for treatment of a nosebleed. I didn't particularly recognize him but he knew me right off. I explained that I needed to put a nasal packing in to control his bleeding and that the process would be uncomfortable. He replied with utter confidence: I trust you completely doc, after all you were the only one who knew what to do for me last time! (Apparently the stitch had worked.) He let me know that since I had "so brilliantly" fixed his leg the last time he had experienced no further problems. I packed his nose, got his blood pressure under control, and again sent him on his way.
I know that what I did for Mr. Young initially was hardly worth remembering from my point of view anyway. He had a nuisance problem and I offered a simple solution with the most minimal of intervention. Yet genuinely Mr. Young treated me like I had saved his life. When I asked the nurses I worked with about Mr. Young's response to the minimal I believed I had done for him, they told me: Yes, it wasn't a big deal, but you fixed the problem and for him that's all that mattered. His responses led me to a deeper vision of our interactions with each other. Perhaps there are many times and ways in which the "one stitches" offered in our lives are truly lifesaving for others.
We usually don't really notice these "one stitches" of our lives because they seem so trivial. However to the one receiving the stitch the gift may be truly salvific. We are all part of each other's tapestries. We do not go home alone no matter how alone our lives may at times seem. Every day we touch each other's lives with similar one stitch stories and never notice the blessing we have for been for each other. The love of God is like this. We seldom notice the rain much unless there is drought or flooding or we have plans that call for sunshine. Still the wetness of the rain does not vary. What varies is the ground of our lives upon which the "rain" falls. So at times a sincere "Good morning!"(see next one touch story) can save a life and one well placed suture can seem like a miracle.
Think about your own life. I'm sure you may come up with some "one stitches" of your own for which to be amazed both as giver and receiver
God bless.
The mustard seed of faith
Luke: 17:5-10 (reading actually for Sunday October 3, 2010)
The Apostles said to the Lord: "Increase our faith," and he answered: "If you had faith the size of a mustard seed, you could say to the sycamore, 'be uprooted and transplanted into the sea,' and it would obey you.
"If one of you had a servant plowing or herding sheep and he came in from the fields, would you say to him,'Come and sit down at the table?' Would you not rather say,'Prepare my supper. You can eat and drink afterward?' Would he be grateful to the servant who was only carrying out his orders.? It is quite the same with you who hear me. When you have done all you have been commanded to do, say, 'We are useless servants. We have done no more than our duty.' "
The mustard seed has always been a source of inspiration. I received a little mustard seed necklace when I received my first communion an impossible 50 years ago this month. My journey with God since then has had it's major challenges as living the Gospel always does, but the image of the mustard seed has always given me strength through many years and many terrains of spiritual journey. I still wear a mustard seed pin on my scrub top whenever I am serving God in his people as a physician. If you haven't had a chance to see a mustard seed, it looks hardly bigger than a prominent speck of dust, yet it grows into a tree large enough to shelter the birds of the air. In a world where bigger and larger are it seems always deemed better, knowing that even a little faith goes a long way, is very comforting. We do not need to have heroic faith to accomplish heroic things in ministry, all we need to do is trust.
Let's look at the lives of some folks who did just that: trusted. Consider the life of St. Juliana of Norwich, a 14th century recluse and mystic. She was probably a Benedictine nun and lived her life in seclusion. Her faithfulness yielded a heart that was incredibly opened to grace by God's mercy. She was blessed with a mystical understanding of the soul's union with God that has blessed the world for centuries since she has lived and died, leading many souls to a greater peacefulness on their spiritual journey. She remember lived her life in seclusion, in prayer and fasting. Yet in her hiddenness and littleness, her mustard seed of faith did indeed yield a rich harvest for millions of souls besides her own. Her writings and revelations will continue to inspire generations to come I am sure. (I recommend reading her sharings if you are not familiar with her.)
Likewise too, Blessed Charles de Foucald was one whose mustard seed of faith yielded an unexpected harvest. Charles lived much more recently being born in the 19th century dying in 1916 at the age of 58. From the point of view of the world his life would not have seemed to have amounted to much. (Much in some ways like a certain Jesus of Nazareth except that Jesus had more followers during his lifetime than Charles did.) He was born in France and "lost" his faith as an adolescent but his spiritual hunger lead him to keep seeking and eventually he not only found a living mustard seed of faith within him, but he knew he needed to devote his life to serving Jesus in living a lifestyle of poverty and humility.
He went to the desert and tried to live the humble life of Jesus at Nazareth. He worked hard and tried to be a true brother to all. He wrote a rule for a Religious order but such an order was never to become a reality in his lifetime. He was eventually ordained a priest at age 43 after God kept pushing him to receive ordination. He wanted to be a presence of God to those most isolated and abandoned. He truly tried to proclaim the Gospel with his life. He wrote: “I would like to be sufficiently good that people would say, “If such is the servant, what must the Master be like?” (Would that all of us would take our cue from such a challenge!) He was killed by a band of marauders for no apparent reason, so he was a victim of random violence in the desert, not so unconnected to our own times of so much random violence and suffering.
He made only two converts to his faith formally in his lifetime although he was respected and admired by many Bedouin tribes. Again as I said if you look at the simple facts of his life like that of Juliana there doesn't seem to be much consequence to it. However his rule for a Religious order sparked many hundreds of Religious and lay communities the world over and so again this little life has inspired literally millions of folks to live a holy life of simple service. From the seed of faith indeed great trees bloom if only we would trust that God's word to us is true and that none of us live in vain. (I do recommend the writings of Charles as well but only if you really want to be challenged to a deeper faith and a greater love.)
Then of course there is the "little soul" of St. Therese of Lisieux. Therese was a contemporary of Charles, both of them being born in the 19th century, he in 1858 and she in 1873. Therese lived only 24 years and yet she has effected souls across the world with the "mustard seed" of her autobiography entitled: The story of a soul. She lived in France, was sickly most of her life, entered a cloistered nunnery at age 15 and died 11 years later. Again from the vision of the world, no big deal. She was one who was truly in love with Jesus and who perfected a "little way of grace." She offered all the ordinary challenges of the day, the little things of life as an offering to God. Through this "little way" the mustard seed of her faith blossomed into a tree of unimaginable magnitude. Therese's Story of a soul has been translated into numerous languages and touched millions of souls of various faiths and spiritualities. She is a spiritual giant upon whom many still count for spiritual guidance and help in their daily lives.She promised that she would spend her eternity showering the earth with roses of blessings and she has kept her promise. (If you have not read her Story of a soul, treat yourself to an adventure of grace.)
All of these wonderful folks also understood the second half of this passage in Luke. We are called to be the icons of God for a world so in need of the experience of God's presence. This is not extra credit or work above and beyond the call of duty. No, this is who we are made to be. To be less than an icon of the Living God is to be less than we were created to be. We have that choice but why would we not want to be all the goodness of God we were created to be? Being good to each other is wonderful and graced, but it is not "extra credit;" it is stepping up to the fullness of our true selves. We are genuinely created in the image and likeness of God. Are other folks blessed by our presence? Do we at least try to be the best cup of God we can be? God's love is freely given to all, but it must be freely received also. We too can expect that just as folks reject God for whatever reason, they will reject us as his icons. This isn't any extra special suffering either, just part of the call to be a true reflection of God's love. This too is part of the journey of the human soul, no more no less. Sometimes if we keep these things in perspective we will feel less persecuted also.
I leave you with a final story of my own. A woman I met in college named Jennifer used to call me every few years after we went our separate ways.Often we just talked to each other's answering machines. I hadn't seen Jennifer for 22 years and yet she called one day (on exactly the day I most needed it) to let me know how much of a difference I had made in her life. When she called, her words were like a letter from God reminding me of exactly what I needed to remember to carry on faith's journey. She reminded me of two things I had said long ago that made a real difference in her life.
Jen and I were part of a spiritual community in college but I am older than she and so left college a couple of years before she did. The breakup of part of the community (those graduating with me) was very traumatic to Jen as the spiritual community we shared was a close knit one. I comforted her at that time by telling her that we are always with each other in the heart of God who made us one on the journey in the first place. I told her that we didn't need to talk to or see each other to be a part of each other's lives, but when we needed that kind of embrace, God would connect us in whatever way we most needed. I assured us none of us are ever alone on the journey. We all walk in community even the hermits of the world and those who seem so isolated. God connects us all. If I close my eyes to the light of a sunny day and complain of the darkness, that does not diminish the grace of the light, only my present perception and reception of it. So too with grace. We walk in faith for a reason as "reason" only gets us so far. We will always have inadequate understanding for our minds to be the "chiefs" of our paths. Rather we must be spirit-led and so walk in faith where the mind cannot take us through this Mystery that is Life.
Jen reminded me of one other thing I said to her that was surely God speaking. She said that she once felt so broken that she wondered if she could ever serve God or help others in any meaningful way. I told her then that even if a cup is so terribly broken that it has no bottom at all, if the ocean is poured through it, the cup will always remain full because of the vastness of the ocean. So too it is with us. We are the broken cups and God is the ocean of endless Love that pours through us. We don't have to fix our cracks, so to speak, for God to use us. We just have to be willing to have the water of Love flow through us. We don't have to be whole to be vessels of healing, or understand to bear his wisdom to another. The cup can never limit the ocean poured into it, rather the ocean fills and fulfills the cup. We are the cup and God the ocean. We can freely choose not to invite the ocean into our cup, but why would we want to make such a choice?
Let us embrace the faith of a mustard seed then, and trust that our lives will bear great fruit, but understand that the harvest is seldom within our vision. Nonetheless as we struggle to live as people of faith and devotion to God's holy love, we should be encouraged that God is already using us to change the world around us. He is making us lights for too much surrounding darkness. We don't have to see it to trust that it is true; for God has promised that his grace, his Word, does not go forth from him and return empty but instead yields a rich and eternal harvest. Let us trust then his living Word to pass through us and bear needed fruit one graced moment at a time.
God bless us all.
The Apostles said to the Lord: "Increase our faith," and he answered: "If you had faith the size of a mustard seed, you could say to the sycamore, 'be uprooted and transplanted into the sea,' and it would obey you.
"If one of you had a servant plowing or herding sheep and he came in from the fields, would you say to him,'Come and sit down at the table?' Would you not rather say,'Prepare my supper. You can eat and drink afterward?' Would he be grateful to the servant who was only carrying out his orders.? It is quite the same with you who hear me. When you have done all you have been commanded to do, say, 'We are useless servants. We have done no more than our duty.' "
The mustard seed has always been a source of inspiration. I received a little mustard seed necklace when I received my first communion an impossible 50 years ago this month. My journey with God since then has had it's major challenges as living the Gospel always does, but the image of the mustard seed has always given me strength through many years and many terrains of spiritual journey. I still wear a mustard seed pin on my scrub top whenever I am serving God in his people as a physician. If you haven't had a chance to see a mustard seed, it looks hardly bigger than a prominent speck of dust, yet it grows into a tree large enough to shelter the birds of the air. In a world where bigger and larger are it seems always deemed better, knowing that even a little faith goes a long way, is very comforting. We do not need to have heroic faith to accomplish heroic things in ministry, all we need to do is trust.
Let's look at the lives of some folks who did just that: trusted. Consider the life of St. Juliana of Norwich, a 14th century recluse and mystic. She was probably a Benedictine nun and lived her life in seclusion. Her faithfulness yielded a heart that was incredibly opened to grace by God's mercy. She was blessed with a mystical understanding of the soul's union with God that has blessed the world for centuries since she has lived and died, leading many souls to a greater peacefulness on their spiritual journey. She remember lived her life in seclusion, in prayer and fasting. Yet in her hiddenness and littleness, her mustard seed of faith did indeed yield a rich harvest for millions of souls besides her own. Her writings and revelations will continue to inspire generations to come I am sure. (I recommend reading her sharings if you are not familiar with her.)
Likewise too, Blessed Charles de Foucald was one whose mustard seed of faith yielded an unexpected harvest. Charles lived much more recently being born in the 19th century dying in 1916 at the age of 58. From the point of view of the world his life would not have seemed to have amounted to much. (Much in some ways like a certain Jesus of Nazareth except that Jesus had more followers during his lifetime than Charles did.) He was born in France and "lost" his faith as an adolescent but his spiritual hunger lead him to keep seeking and eventually he not only found a living mustard seed of faith within him, but he knew he needed to devote his life to serving Jesus in living a lifestyle of poverty and humility.
He went to the desert and tried to live the humble life of Jesus at Nazareth. He worked hard and tried to be a true brother to all. He wrote a rule for a Religious order but such an order was never to become a reality in his lifetime. He was eventually ordained a priest at age 43 after God kept pushing him to receive ordination. He wanted to be a presence of God to those most isolated and abandoned. He truly tried to proclaim the Gospel with his life. He wrote: “I would like to be sufficiently good that people would say, “If such is the servant, what must the Master be like?” (Would that all of us would take our cue from such a challenge!) He was killed by a band of marauders for no apparent reason, so he was a victim of random violence in the desert, not so unconnected to our own times of so much random violence and suffering.
He made only two converts to his faith formally in his lifetime although he was respected and admired by many Bedouin tribes. Again as I said if you look at the simple facts of his life like that of Juliana there doesn't seem to be much consequence to it. However his rule for a Religious order sparked many hundreds of Religious and lay communities the world over and so again this little life has inspired literally millions of folks to live a holy life of simple service. From the seed of faith indeed great trees bloom if only we would trust that God's word to us is true and that none of us live in vain. (I do recommend the writings of Charles as well but only if you really want to be challenged to a deeper faith and a greater love.)
Then of course there is the "little soul" of St. Therese of Lisieux. Therese was a contemporary of Charles, both of them being born in the 19th century, he in 1858 and she in 1873. Therese lived only 24 years and yet she has effected souls across the world with the "mustard seed" of her autobiography entitled: The story of a soul. She lived in France, was sickly most of her life, entered a cloistered nunnery at age 15 and died 11 years later. Again from the vision of the world, no big deal. She was one who was truly in love with Jesus and who perfected a "little way of grace." She offered all the ordinary challenges of the day, the little things of life as an offering to God. Through this "little way" the mustard seed of her faith blossomed into a tree of unimaginable magnitude. Therese's Story of a soul has been translated into numerous languages and touched millions of souls of various faiths and spiritualities. She is a spiritual giant upon whom many still count for spiritual guidance and help in their daily lives.She promised that she would spend her eternity showering the earth with roses of blessings and she has kept her promise. (If you have not read her Story of a soul, treat yourself to an adventure of grace.)
All of these wonderful folks also understood the second half of this passage in Luke. We are called to be the icons of God for a world so in need of the experience of God's presence. This is not extra credit or work above and beyond the call of duty. No, this is who we are made to be. To be less than an icon of the Living God is to be less than we were created to be. We have that choice but why would we not want to be all the goodness of God we were created to be? Being good to each other is wonderful and graced, but it is not "extra credit;" it is stepping up to the fullness of our true selves. We are genuinely created in the image and likeness of God. Are other folks blessed by our presence? Do we at least try to be the best cup of God we can be? God's love is freely given to all, but it must be freely received also. We too can expect that just as folks reject God for whatever reason, they will reject us as his icons. This isn't any extra special suffering either, just part of the call to be a true reflection of God's love. This too is part of the journey of the human soul, no more no less. Sometimes if we keep these things in perspective we will feel less persecuted also.
I leave you with a final story of my own. A woman I met in college named Jennifer used to call me every few years after we went our separate ways.Often we just talked to each other's answering machines. I hadn't seen Jennifer for 22 years and yet she called one day (on exactly the day I most needed it) to let me know how much of a difference I had made in her life. When she called, her words were like a letter from God reminding me of exactly what I needed to remember to carry on faith's journey. She reminded me of two things I had said long ago that made a real difference in her life.
Jen and I were part of a spiritual community in college but I am older than she and so left college a couple of years before she did. The breakup of part of the community (those graduating with me) was very traumatic to Jen as the spiritual community we shared was a close knit one. I comforted her at that time by telling her that we are always with each other in the heart of God who made us one on the journey in the first place. I told her that we didn't need to talk to or see each other to be a part of each other's lives, but when we needed that kind of embrace, God would connect us in whatever way we most needed. I assured us none of us are ever alone on the journey. We all walk in community even the hermits of the world and those who seem so isolated. God connects us all. If I close my eyes to the light of a sunny day and complain of the darkness, that does not diminish the grace of the light, only my present perception and reception of it. So too with grace. We walk in faith for a reason as "reason" only gets us so far. We will always have inadequate understanding for our minds to be the "chiefs" of our paths. Rather we must be spirit-led and so walk in faith where the mind cannot take us through this Mystery that is Life.
Jen reminded me of one other thing I said to her that was surely God speaking. She said that she once felt so broken that she wondered if she could ever serve God or help others in any meaningful way. I told her then that even if a cup is so terribly broken that it has no bottom at all, if the ocean is poured through it, the cup will always remain full because of the vastness of the ocean. So too it is with us. We are the broken cups and God is the ocean of endless Love that pours through us. We don't have to fix our cracks, so to speak, for God to use us. We just have to be willing to have the water of Love flow through us. We don't have to be whole to be vessels of healing, or understand to bear his wisdom to another. The cup can never limit the ocean poured into it, rather the ocean fills and fulfills the cup. We are the cup and God the ocean. We can freely choose not to invite the ocean into our cup, but why would we want to make such a choice?
Let us embrace the faith of a mustard seed then, and trust that our lives will bear great fruit, but understand that the harvest is seldom within our vision. Nonetheless as we struggle to live as people of faith and devotion to God's holy love, we should be encouraged that God is already using us to change the world around us. He is making us lights for too much surrounding darkness. We don't have to see it to trust that it is true; for God has promised that his grace, his Word, does not go forth from him and return empty but instead yields a rich and eternal harvest. Let us trust then his living Word to pass through us and bear needed fruit one graced moment at a time.
God bless us all.
Monday, October 4, 2010
Stir into flame your gifts
The third reading for this Sunday October 3, 2010 Is from the second letter of Paul to Timothy:
2Tm 1: 6-8,13-14
I remind you to stir into flame the gift of God bestowed when my hands were laid on you. The Spirit God has given us is no cowardly spirit but rather one that makes us strong, loving and wise. Therefore, never be ashamed of your testimony to our Lord, nor of me, a prisoner for his sake; but with the strength which comes from God bear your share of the hardship which the gospel entails.
Take as a model of sound teaching what you have heard me say, in faith and love in Christ Jesus. Guard the rich deposit of faith with the help of the Holy Spirit who dwells within us.
Yes, stir into flame your divine gifts. We lament the evil and tragedy in the world played across our television and computer screens. We wish we could "do something" when someone we love is suffering emotionally, physically, or spiritually. "But we are only human" we excuse... Do we realize what God made "human" to be? How much wonderful treasure was and continues to be breathed into us from the Spirit who is the Living God? We are not powerless; imprisoned and changed to a bed of torture, we are not powerless, much less in the challenge of our daily lives. We have within us a holy and wonderful gift a spark of God, no, really. Don't take it from me, take it from the One who made all of us: the Spirit given to you is one that makes us strong, loving and wise!!
Our gifts however are not just given for our own edification. They are give to us to serve the whole human community. We have so much, each of us, to offer a struggling world. Our gifts don't have to be dramatic or seem big to make a difference. Every kindness that we offer combats all the violence in the world. Every act of selfless love thwarts hatred. We are so connected and yet ironically all too often we feel isolated even as the world gets smaller through all the new connections that have become standard. Beyond all technology we are bound at a cellular level and a deeper spiritual level. We really are all made of the same stuff. We are made of star dust and we are made to shine like the Light of God in the universe. We have the very life breath of God within us and how we respond every moment of every day in our lives affects the whole world. I know that sounds like dramatic hyperbole but by the mystery of God's Holy Love it is really true.
God has promised us we do not live in vain. Our lives, our gifts matter, not just to us but to the whole human community. Our choices have consequences not just for ourselves but for all of us, perhaps in ways not yet seen, but nonetheless real. The whole nature of sin fits into this concept. Sin is the negative force opposite the gifts within us. Going contrary to our gifts and/or simply choosing not to use them, negatively impacts our souls and in some real way diminishes and affects in harmful ways the whole community. Change is costly for all of us even changes that are overtly good and readily embraced require time for us to acclimate. Christianity, or whatever other venue in which we awaken our spirituality, is not for the faint-hearted. Truth is exacting. Compassion demands passion usually on the cross of some paradox or another. For example children are great blessings but they require everything from us, the very laying down of our own lives at times. Love isn't easy even when the choices for love are straightforward and simple. Often however it isn't that clear what is the most loving choice. Living the Gospel, living the truth of Love is hard. There is no way around it. We all are called to bear our part of the challenge or the cost of the Gospel. It is part of the cost of being human I suppose and part strangely of the blessing as well.
We may be called to the challenge of bearing our part of the cross, but we are also blessed to never be alone in the crucible. The Spirit assures us that faith will stretch to cover any territory we demand of it and to be as strong as we allow it to be. The Spirit promises to always be within us if we will only be open to the inspiration. Yes, let us inhale freely the Breath of the Spirit and allow the Holy Fire that is God held in this Mystery to ignite our gifts within us, to not only light our paths but to bring Light to the darkness that threatens to discourage the whole world. We have a choice, we can lament all the suffering and injustice in the world or we can amend it by the way we live out lives. We can be the cups of God for which our brothers and sisters so thirst. Let us not pretend anymore that we don't have the means to change the world, but let us bless the human community by awakening to our own living hearts as tabernacles truly of God. Let us indeed then let the Holy Spirit fan into flame the gifts living within us to so brighten the landscape with this incarnate compassion of God.
Blessings to all.
2Tm 1: 6-8,13-14
I remind you to stir into flame the gift of God bestowed when my hands were laid on you. The Spirit God has given us is no cowardly spirit but rather one that makes us strong, loving and wise. Therefore, never be ashamed of your testimony to our Lord, nor of me, a prisoner for his sake; but with the strength which comes from God bear your share of the hardship which the gospel entails.
Take as a model of sound teaching what you have heard me say, in faith and love in Christ Jesus. Guard the rich deposit of faith with the help of the Holy Spirit who dwells within us.
Yes, stir into flame your divine gifts. We lament the evil and tragedy in the world played across our television and computer screens. We wish we could "do something" when someone we love is suffering emotionally, physically, or spiritually. "But we are only human" we excuse... Do we realize what God made "human" to be? How much wonderful treasure was and continues to be breathed into us from the Spirit who is the Living God? We are not powerless; imprisoned and changed to a bed of torture, we are not powerless, much less in the challenge of our daily lives. We have within us a holy and wonderful gift a spark of God, no, really. Don't take it from me, take it from the One who made all of us: the Spirit given to you is one that makes us strong, loving and wise!!
Our gifts however are not just given for our own edification. They are give to us to serve the whole human community. We have so much, each of us, to offer a struggling world. Our gifts don't have to be dramatic or seem big to make a difference. Every kindness that we offer combats all the violence in the world. Every act of selfless love thwarts hatred. We are so connected and yet ironically all too often we feel isolated even as the world gets smaller through all the new connections that have become standard. Beyond all technology we are bound at a cellular level and a deeper spiritual level. We really are all made of the same stuff. We are made of star dust and we are made to shine like the Light of God in the universe. We have the very life breath of God within us and how we respond every moment of every day in our lives affects the whole world. I know that sounds like dramatic hyperbole but by the mystery of God's Holy Love it is really true.
God has promised us we do not live in vain. Our lives, our gifts matter, not just to us but to the whole human community. Our choices have consequences not just for ourselves but for all of us, perhaps in ways not yet seen, but nonetheless real. The whole nature of sin fits into this concept. Sin is the negative force opposite the gifts within us. Going contrary to our gifts and/or simply choosing not to use them, negatively impacts our souls and in some real way diminishes and affects in harmful ways the whole community. Change is costly for all of us even changes that are overtly good and readily embraced require time for us to acclimate. Christianity, or whatever other venue in which we awaken our spirituality, is not for the faint-hearted. Truth is exacting. Compassion demands passion usually on the cross of some paradox or another. For example children are great blessings but they require everything from us, the very laying down of our own lives at times. Love isn't easy even when the choices for love are straightforward and simple. Often however it isn't that clear what is the most loving choice. Living the Gospel, living the truth of Love is hard. There is no way around it. We all are called to bear our part of the challenge or the cost of the Gospel. It is part of the cost of being human I suppose and part strangely of the blessing as well.
We may be called to the challenge of bearing our part of the cross, but we are also blessed to never be alone in the crucible. The Spirit assures us that faith will stretch to cover any territory we demand of it and to be as strong as we allow it to be. The Spirit promises to always be within us if we will only be open to the inspiration. Yes, let us inhale freely the Breath of the Spirit and allow the Holy Fire that is God held in this Mystery to ignite our gifts within us, to not only light our paths but to bring Light to the darkness that threatens to discourage the whole world. We have a choice, we can lament all the suffering and injustice in the world or we can amend it by the way we live out lives. We can be the cups of God for which our brothers and sisters so thirst. Let us not pretend anymore that we don't have the means to change the world, but let us bless the human community by awakening to our own living hearts as tabernacles truly of God. Let us indeed then let the Holy Spirit fan into flame the gifts living within us to so brighten the landscape with this incarnate compassion of God.
Blessings to all.
Saturday, October 2, 2010
If today you hear his voice, harden not your hearts.
The psalm passage for this Sunday (October 3, my 57th birthday actually) is from psalm 95: 1-2, 6-7, 8-9
Come let us sing joyfully to the Lord; let us acclaim the Rock of our salvation. Let us greet him with thanksgiving; let us joyfully sing psalms to him.
Come let us bow down in worship; let us kneel before the Lord who made us. For he is our God, and we are the people he shepherds, the flock he guides.
Oh, that today you would hear his voice; "harden not your hearts as at Meribah, as in the day of Massah in the desert, where your fathers tempted me; they tested me though they had seen my works."
Refrain: If today you hear his voice, harden not your hearts.
Usually every year around the time of my birthday, I try to reflect so that I don't just let the year pass unconsidered and unreviewed. I think especially as I get older that I find the journey is more and more about letting go and not letting my heart be hardened by how rough and disappointing the passage can sometimes seem to be. It is indeed important that I keep my mind and my heart open and really hear the voice of God speaking within me: Spirit to spirit, Heart to heart. It means learning to receive the grace in each moment especially the ones that "feel" less overtly graced; for indeed all moments hold a gift to be received. Yes, I know it is sometimes hard to be joyful about challenging events. Yet, it is these moments of difficulty and challenge that make us grow and help us to develop fully into the wonderful reflections of God we were created from all eternity to be.
Like baby birds we would never leave our warm cozy niches if God or Life didn't throw us out of the nest and let us experience really falling. Until we are really falling (usually experienced as failing), we are often unmotivated to use or even try our wings. When we are plummeting to earth, we have no choice but to fly or die. Spiritually we come to this impasse as well. Will we let out spirits soar and walk into the incarnationally miraculous or will we let ourselves die because gravity was not what we expected? I am, of course, speaking metaphorically, but I think the image is real. We all have after a certain time in our lives a pretty fixed idea of who we are and of how our lives should be. Unfortunately sometimes these ideas have no true grounding in reality before God. We even in midlife and beyond often have much work to do discovering and celebrating our true selves, the self our Creator breathed us to be from our loving inception.
We have a preset idea of what success and failure are meant to be and we have a hard time redefining things for ourselves. Some of the unnecessary suffering in our lives is due to this hardness of heart. We have come to understand our lives and ourselves in limited ways and to understand who we are by what we do rather than by who we were created to be. We want things to be clear and straightforward and yet we were built to be creatures of awe and mystery. We want what we want when and how we want it, yet consider ourselves to be people of grace open to God and all his ways (until of course his ways are not our ways). We are silly creatures sometimes, aren't we?
So let us come joyfully to God who is the immutable Rock that saves us from ourselves and our inconsistencies and changing definitions of truth. God is the solid Truth within us that remains unchanging as we try on new false definitions over the journey only to finally uncover what we knew all along: we are spirit born of Spirit, we come from God and we are only whole when we are one with I AM WHO AM whose Living Breath alone defines us. Our spirits should then erupt with joy and gratitude, a gratitude that is a deep and lasting thankfulness for the wonder and mystery of our own creation, for the gift of being who we uniquely are. We really are marvelous creatures born of ineffable Love.
Come let us indeed bow down in humility and celebrate this mystery, this gift that is Life. Let us not be stiff-necked or stubborn-hearted, let us just be who we are and let us let God be God in wonder, awe and Mystery. Let us allow ourselves to be shepherded, for even though we think otherwise, we often do not know the way, we only think we do. Let us grow still and quiet when we thirst rather than grumbling,complaining, and quarrelsome. Let us share our thirst with God, trusting he already knows our needs and has already answered them through blessing us with all we need and so much more.
Let us not need to test or try God, let us yield and trust that Love cannot be other than Loving. Then we can go forth through all our deserts, all our cold dark nights, knowing the well of Living Water is already within us. Out thirst will be met and all our heart's deepest needs as well. For as much as we may thirst for God and for many things in Life, God thirsts more in Love for union with us and this passion is a wellspring of hope that can surely be trusted and celebrated as a Holy Light in every darkness.
Let us indeed not harden our hearts but rejoice that God is a God of infinite nearness whose Spirit is even in the breath within us. Today let us indeed hear the voice of God anew speaking to our hearts: and let us respond joyfully genuinely: Speak, Lord, your servant is listening with an open and willing heart!
Come let us sing joyfully to the Lord; let us acclaim the Rock of our salvation. Let us greet him with thanksgiving; let us joyfully sing psalms to him.
Come let us bow down in worship; let us kneel before the Lord who made us. For he is our God, and we are the people he shepherds, the flock he guides.
Oh, that today you would hear his voice; "harden not your hearts as at Meribah, as in the day of Massah in the desert, where your fathers tempted me; they tested me though they had seen my works."
Refrain: If today you hear his voice, harden not your hearts.
Usually every year around the time of my birthday, I try to reflect so that I don't just let the year pass unconsidered and unreviewed. I think especially as I get older that I find the journey is more and more about letting go and not letting my heart be hardened by how rough and disappointing the passage can sometimes seem to be. It is indeed important that I keep my mind and my heart open and really hear the voice of God speaking within me: Spirit to spirit, Heart to heart. It means learning to receive the grace in each moment especially the ones that "feel" less overtly graced; for indeed all moments hold a gift to be received. Yes, I know it is sometimes hard to be joyful about challenging events. Yet, it is these moments of difficulty and challenge that make us grow and help us to develop fully into the wonderful reflections of God we were created from all eternity to be.
Like baby birds we would never leave our warm cozy niches if God or Life didn't throw us out of the nest and let us experience really falling. Until we are really falling (usually experienced as failing), we are often unmotivated to use or even try our wings. When we are plummeting to earth, we have no choice but to fly or die. Spiritually we come to this impasse as well. Will we let out spirits soar and walk into the incarnationally miraculous or will we let ourselves die because gravity was not what we expected? I am, of course, speaking metaphorically, but I think the image is real. We all have after a certain time in our lives a pretty fixed idea of who we are and of how our lives should be. Unfortunately sometimes these ideas have no true grounding in reality before God. We even in midlife and beyond often have much work to do discovering and celebrating our true selves, the self our Creator breathed us to be from our loving inception.
We have a preset idea of what success and failure are meant to be and we have a hard time redefining things for ourselves. Some of the unnecessary suffering in our lives is due to this hardness of heart. We have come to understand our lives and ourselves in limited ways and to understand who we are by what we do rather than by who we were created to be. We want things to be clear and straightforward and yet we were built to be creatures of awe and mystery. We want what we want when and how we want it, yet consider ourselves to be people of grace open to God and all his ways (until of course his ways are not our ways). We are silly creatures sometimes, aren't we?
So let us come joyfully to God who is the immutable Rock that saves us from ourselves and our inconsistencies and changing definitions of truth. God is the solid Truth within us that remains unchanging as we try on new false definitions over the journey only to finally uncover what we knew all along: we are spirit born of Spirit, we come from God and we are only whole when we are one with I AM WHO AM whose Living Breath alone defines us. Our spirits should then erupt with joy and gratitude, a gratitude that is a deep and lasting thankfulness for the wonder and mystery of our own creation, for the gift of being who we uniquely are. We really are marvelous creatures born of ineffable Love.
Come let us indeed bow down in humility and celebrate this mystery, this gift that is Life. Let us not be stiff-necked or stubborn-hearted, let us just be who we are and let us let God be God in wonder, awe and Mystery. Let us allow ourselves to be shepherded, for even though we think otherwise, we often do not know the way, we only think we do. Let us grow still and quiet when we thirst rather than grumbling,complaining, and quarrelsome. Let us share our thirst with God, trusting he already knows our needs and has already answered them through blessing us with all we need and so much more.
Let us not need to test or try God, let us yield and trust that Love cannot be other than Loving. Then we can go forth through all our deserts, all our cold dark nights, knowing the well of Living Water is already within us. Out thirst will be met and all our heart's deepest needs as well. For as much as we may thirst for God and for many things in Life, God thirsts more in Love for union with us and this passion is a wellspring of hope that can surely be trusted and celebrated as a Holy Light in every darkness.
Let us indeed not harden our hearts but rejoice that God is a God of infinite nearness whose Spirit is even in the breath within us. Today let us indeed hear the voice of God anew speaking to our hearts: and let us respond joyfully genuinely: Speak, Lord, your servant is listening with an open and willing heart!
How long, oh Lord?
A reflection on Habakkuk 1:2-3; 2:2-4
How long, O Lord? I cry out for help but you do not listen! I cry out to you, "Violence!" but you do not intervene. Why do you let me see ruin; why must I look at misery? Destruction and violence are before me; there is strife and clamorous discord .
Then the Lord answered me and said: Write down the vision clearly upon the tablets, so that one can read it readily. For the vision still has its time, presses on to fulfillment, and will not disappoint. If it delays wait for it, it will surely come, it will not be late. The rash man has no integrity; but the just man because of his faith shall live.
This first reading for this Sunday is one I think we can all relate to in our lives for we have all known challenges and struggles. Historically this is an interesting passage in some ways because while we don't think much of challenging God with our perceptions and feelings these days, our ancestors had for a long time a different relationship with God. Humanity for years saw God (or the gods depending on their beliefs) as a deity all too ready to crush men and women if they didn't please him. So complaining to him could get you killed or worse. God was someone you sacrificed to and whom you obeyed to try not to be punished. Unfortunately there are those who haven't progressed from this mind set. Gradually however the Israelites came to have a real relationship with God as a people whose hearts God wanted to share. They risked opening up to God.
Then Jesus comes to show us an even greater image of God, one in which we could really come fully into a relationship of children with God who is Father and Mother to our spirits. This was and still is a radical concept that we may take for granted. Jesus came to show us an image of God we could not imagine in the Old Testament revelations fully. Jesus came to show us a God who not only wasn't interested in squashing us when we failed ,but was more ready to forgive and heal than we could imagine, one who wanted only good for us as a Holy Compassionate Father and an All-loving Mother.
The reason the image of God appears to change through the scriptures is not because God is changing, but because we as a human people are evolving spiritually gradually into a people who can enter into relationship with the Mystery of God in more wholistic ways. We as individuals also evolve or metamorph as we journey spiritually. We each come from unique perspectives of the divine formed from the traditions and images of our families, friends, and churches. At some point though as we mature spiritually, we have to step forward if those traditions are going to have any real meaning for us and enter into a unique relationship with God on our own terms: spirit to Spirit so to speak. I am not trying to trash organized religion, I am a practicing Catholic myself, but I think most organized religions recognize they can only take an individual soul so far, the rest of the journey of awakening has to be undertaken by each of us uniquely and what works best for one will not always be the most suitable for another. Our souls are as varied and unique as the universe God created and yet just as we share the same makeup as the stars; so too the individual human spirit has so much in common with others and with the Spirit from whom we are all authored.
So this passage can be seen then as the sharing of the human heart with the divine heart. God, I'm hurting here, do you even care? None of us have ever experienced this angst right? Yes, this is a part of being human and struggling to reach out in our dark moments to a Light we hope is real. And the Light says: I am real, be not afraid, my Love is greater than all challenges and my Light is greater than all darkness. Hang in there, there is a plan. Believe and trust in me that you may live and live fully.
Jesus through his incarnation says to us: Know you do not hang alone, I have already done the hanging for you and I will never leave you alone in your challenge and suffering. Spirit speaks:
I am the very breath within you, rest assured I walk you through your sufferings and difficulties. I am the very bridge that takes you from the darkness to the Light. Believe; you will not be disappointed. I will not abandon you ever.
To have integrity is simply to be whole, to be true to our oneness with God. If we are awake to this oneness, the ride through the rapids or the climb up the mountains of life will be much less taxing and fearsome.
God's blessing be upon all of us wherever we are on the journey.
How long, O Lord? I cry out for help but you do not listen! I cry out to you, "Violence!" but you do not intervene. Why do you let me see ruin; why must I look at misery? Destruction and violence are before me; there is strife and clamorous discord .
Then the Lord answered me and said: Write down the vision clearly upon the tablets, so that one can read it readily. For the vision still has its time, presses on to fulfillment, and will not disappoint. If it delays wait for it, it will surely come, it will not be late. The rash man has no integrity; but the just man because of his faith shall live.
This first reading for this Sunday is one I think we can all relate to in our lives for we have all known challenges and struggles. Historically this is an interesting passage in some ways because while we don't think much of challenging God with our perceptions and feelings these days, our ancestors had for a long time a different relationship with God. Humanity for years saw God (or the gods depending on their beliefs) as a deity all too ready to crush men and women if they didn't please him. So complaining to him could get you killed or worse. God was someone you sacrificed to and whom you obeyed to try not to be punished. Unfortunately there are those who haven't progressed from this mind set. Gradually however the Israelites came to have a real relationship with God as a people whose hearts God wanted to share. They risked opening up to God.
Then Jesus comes to show us an even greater image of God, one in which we could really come fully into a relationship of children with God who is Father and Mother to our spirits. This was and still is a radical concept that we may take for granted. Jesus came to show us an image of God we could not imagine in the Old Testament revelations fully. Jesus came to show us a God who not only wasn't interested in squashing us when we failed ,but was more ready to forgive and heal than we could imagine, one who wanted only good for us as a Holy Compassionate Father and an All-loving Mother.
The reason the image of God appears to change through the scriptures is not because God is changing, but because we as a human people are evolving spiritually gradually into a people who can enter into relationship with the Mystery of God in more wholistic ways. We as individuals also evolve or metamorph as we journey spiritually. We each come from unique perspectives of the divine formed from the traditions and images of our families, friends, and churches. At some point though as we mature spiritually, we have to step forward if those traditions are going to have any real meaning for us and enter into a unique relationship with God on our own terms: spirit to Spirit so to speak. I am not trying to trash organized religion, I am a practicing Catholic myself, but I think most organized religions recognize they can only take an individual soul so far, the rest of the journey of awakening has to be undertaken by each of us uniquely and what works best for one will not always be the most suitable for another. Our souls are as varied and unique as the universe God created and yet just as we share the same makeup as the stars; so too the individual human spirit has so much in common with others and with the Spirit from whom we are all authored.
So this passage can be seen then as the sharing of the human heart with the divine heart. God, I'm hurting here, do you even care? None of us have ever experienced this angst right? Yes, this is a part of being human and struggling to reach out in our dark moments to a Light we hope is real. And the Light says: I am real, be not afraid, my Love is greater than all challenges and my Light is greater than all darkness. Hang in there, there is a plan. Believe and trust in me that you may live and live fully.
Jesus through his incarnation says to us: Know you do not hang alone, I have already done the hanging for you and I will never leave you alone in your challenge and suffering. Spirit speaks:
I am the very breath within you, rest assured I walk you through your sufferings and difficulties. I am the very bridge that takes you from the darkness to the Light. Believe; you will not be disappointed. I will not abandon you ever.
To have integrity is simply to be whole, to be true to our oneness with God. If we are awake to this oneness, the ride through the rapids or the climb up the mountains of life will be much less taxing and fearsome.
God's blessing be upon all of us wherever we are on the journey.
Monday, September 20, 2010
Julia
This is a reflection from some time ago but I believe it still has something to say and share.
Julia
We're bringing in a 25 year old woman complaining of difficulty breathing, pulse is 180. We can't get a BP.
Are there any palpable pulses?
No radial pulse. The patient feels dizzy. Lung sounds are clear. Can we give Adenocard 6 mg?
Can you palpate femoral pulses?
Yes, and the radial pulse is faintly palpable now.
Hold Adenocard, run fluids wide open and come in as soon as possible.
Lord, she's got a PE doesn't she? Please help me to help her. I don't have a good feeling about this though. Lord, she's only 25!
The squad arrived a little while later. It didn't take medical training to know she was in trouble. She was in severe respiratory distress, cyanotic, mottled, awake and in a panic. Vital signs? Pulse 180. BP 80 palp. Pulses barely palpable. Respiratory rate well over 40. She was cool to touch.
Call respiratory therapy. We need stat ABG's then 100% O2 via nonrebreather. Open the saline wide and start a second line if possible. Monitor shows SVT(supraventricular tachycardia) 160-180.
Lord she's going to die and there isn't anything I can do that will help. I know this the minute she arrives. I know it with the part of my heart that is closest to You, and so founded on You, is true. Still I hope to be wrong and I have to try to "save" her. So I embark on a fruitless endeavor because I have no choice. People (doctors among them) actually believe that doctors can save them. I know better, still I must play the game. Lord make me an instrument. Healing comes from You and You alone.
OK, let's start with denial. Maybe I'm wrong, maybe it's cardiac.
Give Verapamil 5 mg IV.
No change.
OK. Give Cardizem 25 mg IV followed by a drip of 125 mg in 100 cc of saline at 10 cc/hr.
No change with the Cardizem bolus.
Julia sat up with the last bit of strength she had and grabbed the lapels of my white coat as she looked desperately into my eyes and screamed: HELP ME!!!!!!
Time to stop denying and to offer her what comfort I can. Her words and her gaze pierced me to the heart.
Are those ABG's back yet?
Here they are. pH 7.34 /pCO2 33/pO2 54/sat 87%/HCO3 19 on room air.
Even the nonrebreather mask hasn't increased her much, her sat's hovered around 90 to 91. Yes, Lord she has a PE and it is massive. She is going to die here in front of me like water passing through my fingers. Still I will do what I can to try to stabilize her if it is only to make her passage gentler under the guise of trying to "save" her.
Oh put me to sleep or something. I can't stand it, Julia moaned.
Forget the Cardizem drip. She's got a bit PE, and this is sinus tach. I need to tube her.
Give her Valium 10 mg IV. Get a number 7.5 ET tube ready and bag her.
We're all ready doctor.
Okay give her another 10 mg of Valium and 75 mg of Succhys. IV.
At least the intubation was easy. Please Lord, let me be wrong. Use me as your instrument of healing.
If it is your will that she come home now let me ease her pain in her birth to new life.
We'll need an NG tube and a foley whenever. How much fluid is in?
She is finishing her third liter now.
What's her pressure? I can barely palpate it and even femoral pulses are thready.
Start Dopamine and titer to a BP of 90 or greater.
Call pharmacy and ask what amount of strepto is recommended for critical PE.
Put her on the vent at 700 TV-100% O2-AC12 for now.
Lord, I'm not wrong, am I? Oh Jesus, why is death always so hard for us to understand? I know going Home is the most wonderful thing possible; it is the whole point of our journey to complete our mission and return Home to You and the unlimited joy of heaven's celebration of Your unveiled love. Still Jesus, moments like this are so hard for those of us on this side of the veil. Heal us too. What are the words of that song: night is our diocese, silence our ministry, poverty our love, and helplessness our cry. How true those words, except Beloved, I have yet to love the poverty of these moments.
The pharmacist says 250,000 units over 30 minutes of the strepto followed by a drip of 100,000 units per hour.
Doesn't seem like much to fight the size of the problem that she has, but I order it anyway. Lord, what else can I do? Why must helplessness always be our cry? So you will always remember I alone am your help. Ouch. OK. Duly corrected. It just hurts, Jesus, to watch her die and know nothing I can offer will help much. I know the pain and I bear it with you. If you did not hurt this way you wouldn't be so close to my heart. The only way to distance yourself from the pain is to walk away from my heart which you are free to do, but I wouldn't recommend it. You always corner me this way. I think you even enjoy it. But thank you for being our help and our strength for moments like this. I do enjoy loving you always. Now be at peace and stop fighting, doctor, help her make the passage gently. Be not afraid, I am with you and with her.
Run the strepto bolus wide open. Do we have central pulses yet? No, I don't feel any.
OK open the dopamine wide for 2 minutes and start compressions. Take her off the vent and bag her. She's gone brady. Atropine 0.5 mg IV. Her rate is back up to 120. Any pulses with that? No.
Keep running the fluid wide open. Continue CPR. Is the strepto bolus in? Yes, run the 100,000 units wide as well. It's in doctor. She's brady again. Atropine 1 mg. No response. Epi 1 mg. Rate is up to 80. Any pulses? No. She's dropped her rate again. Epi 2 mg IV.
Well my sister the game is up. I knew when we began the code you weren't really here anymore. You haven't gone completely but you will all too soon. Part of me wants to grab you and find some light in your lifeless eyes and scream back at you: HELP ME!!!!! just because I don't want to give you up. I don't even know you, haven't even talked to you to have a real conversation. Still you are 25 and you have a husband who loves you and two babies who need you. And in a real way I need you to live. More I have learned enough of life to know we are all part of each other. Part of me lies on this birthing bed, this bed on which your spirit will leave the womb of this life to be born into the fullness of Life in God unencumbered. All veils and clouds will be removed. Part of me envies you the privilege of the passage. If it were possible I would give my life for yours. I do not leave a husband or children and I have lived 18 years more than you will ever know. Still it is not possible; for God is God and has made His incomprehensible choice. Intellect and reason won't answer this one. No reason ever be given for this death that will ever make sense. So what are we left with? Faith and love born of faith.
Any response to the last dose of Epi? No response. No palpable pulses. Monitor shows an agonal rhythm. How long have we been running the code? Twenty minutes, doctor. OK. I'm going to call it. Stop CPR.
She continues to have a few agonal breaths as well as a few agonal beats on the monitor; so I make my way close to her head, stroke her hair gently and say: It's time to decide Julia. It's OK. You either have to give me some major sign that you are going to stay with use so I know to continue to fight for you, or you need to move on into the Light. I know maybe you don't really have a choice anymore but don't be afraid. Just move in whatever direction you are lead. It's OK. We're here with you. Come toward my voice or head for the Light now. Just as I finished talking to her, she stopped her breathing and a few seconds later was asystolic (flat line).
Time of death? Too soon, or was it? Seven-fifty.
How do you tell a young husband that his 25 year old wife that he left just a few hours ago is dead of a blood clot to the lung? Why her, why now, why, why? We wish we had reasons; we look for a meaning in the incomprehensible, but we do not find one that is credible. Even the knowledge that she is "with God" does not bring immediate comfort or solace in this empty moment of grief. Faith does not make us impervious to pain. No, we believers bleed just as much as everyone else does maybe more because to believe we have to open our hearts to God. The open heart is a vulnerable heart. We cannot choose to be open to God and be closed to anything else. God is a part of all life. Even in the midst of truly evil events, God is there as healing presence offering mercy and as Light combating darkness. So truly as psalm 139 says: there is nowhere we can go to escape the presence of God. So open and bleeding, what do we do with the pain?
Pain is another strange thing. Pain is the most common reason people seek me out as a physician. We don't like to hurt. As a physician I have come to understand a little of the gift mysteriously wrapped up in pain. Pain is one of the dark angels. He is not an instrument of evil but rather an instrument of healing and so very close to the heart of the Father. Pain tells us that something is wrong, something is out of balance,something is missing. Pain is necessary that life be preserved. Pain disturbs us enough so that we will not ignore needed messages. Pain needs to be distressing, or simply put pain needs to be painful to get our attention and to move us to attend to and seek healing. Still we often ignore what we can because pain inconveniences us. We frequently ignore pain until it is disabling. Strangely though disabling pain enables us to be healed. We seek help when we are in pain. Recognizing our dependence of God is the first step in a long healing process which is our journey home. Pain is in a strange way then an angel of invitation to grace. No, I haven't been inhaling strange substances nor am I for a change sleep deprived. I write these words more awake than perhaps I have been for some time.
How can pain be an invitation to grace? What do we who have a relationship with God do when we or someone we love is in pain? We pray even if we are not commonly prayerful people. People who don't really believe in God much are willing to try Him out in prayer if they are in enough pain or need. We seek help when we are in enough pain; we recognize in some small way our dependence on God whether we call it by name or not. When we are in pain, we are aware of our inability to carry on alone. The beginning of our life in faith is our reception of the truth of our true neediness. We need God. We cannot really make the journey without Him. We cannot fix ourselves. pain helps us to hear the invitation God sends to all of us to be healed in His love. Pain helps us to hear by making a noise to express the depth of our woundedness. Pain is grace in a strange dress and a strange unwelcome voice, but grace nonetheless.
For me as physician, pain is a guiding light, without it I would be unable to help heal others. Pain helps me to know to some degree where the problem is and the intensity of the pain helps me in part to know how serious the problem is. When I medicate someone, pain's easement helps me to know the problem is improved or under control at least. Pain's persistence often tells me to look further. Yes, pain is a necessary ally. Dark angel he may be, but we should all give thanks to God for the call to grace and the protection Angel Pain gives us. Protection? Yes, if we are stepping on glass, pain lets us know to stop it. If we are having a heart attack, pain can get us to medical help that can help save our lives. If we have a broken bone, pain saves us from further injury by keeping us from using the injured limb. Yes, pain is a dark but blessed angel without whom we could not easily survive.
If we look at pain in the spiritual realm, he is even more of a gift. Only a spirit that is truly dead in sin can be impervious to spiritual pain no matter what. Even in our sinfulness, pain lets us know when we do wrong. Pain make us uncomfortable until we seek healing. Pain is the tender but ever so sharp knife with which God carves our hearts. Has someone hurt us, abandoned us, abused or used us? Our hearts explode in pain, we are hard pressed to ignore. We want out, we want to run away and we may choose to run away from a God who "let this happen" to run away from our pain. However the only way out is through: the only healing is in God, not away from Him. How long we hurt often depends on how stubborn we are. Angel Pain is a messenger of God's healing and so is more persistent, more enduring and faithful than we can ever be stubborn, hard-headed and/or hard-hearted. Yes, strangely pain is a dark angel of great and wonderful grace. Would that we recognized his voice as a song from the heart of God calling us home to mercy, forgiveness and compassionate healing!
Please understand I am not in any way glorifying suffering. Needless suffering I believe is an insult to God. God never rejoices in our agony. He is not pleased in our hurting. How could anyone imagine a bloodthirsty God who punishes us with gloating delight I will never know! God loves us so much that He made our pain His and suffered for us and with us on the cross.; He walks with us all the way. His love is incomprehensible for us; it is beyond measure such is its depth and passion and it is completely unconditional. It is a love freely given and never can be earned. It is given to all equally. (Unconditional passion is like that.) Yet this God of Love uses pain to heal us?! Why??
God uses the Angel Pain as instrument of deepest healing because there is no other way. Our ways are so far from His that the growth necessary to approach Him to draw nearer to His heart causes us an agony of pain. Should God then leave us alone? Isn't pain which passes after his purpose is served, even if it is excruciating, worth enduring if it is the necessary pathway to the Father's unfurled embrace? Should women stop having babies because the process of giving birth hurts? How much is life worth? Are we willing to hurt for love?
Often when someone dies in the ER,, family members want me to medicate the bereaved spouse or parent or friend. I almost always tell them the same thing: the pain is healthy and necessary. The only thing medicine does is postpone the pain, it does not heal it. The only way out is through. I didn't want to walk down that corridor anymore than anyone else ever does. But I have "lost" those I love through the great separation of death. We walk down the corridor of the pain of grief only because there is nowhere else to go. So we take the arm of Angel Pain reluctantly and walk into the chamber of mourning and grief where God perhaps first shows us the deepest measure of His love.
Julia's husband and family will find the same treasure on their journey through the strange land of mourning: the treasure of eternal love. They will be numb for a time; pain so intense cannot be felt all at once but must be broken up to be born. They will be angry and they will search for a reason to make sense of the sudden death of such a beautiful young woman at age 25. They will feel empty and know a loneliness that cannot be filled. It is a difficult journey.
When the fighting and wrestling is over (and this time varies for everyone), when they finish feeling guilty for what they did or didn't say or do, they are left with the essential question: what do I believe? Do I believe that life goes on, that death is but a door? Do I believe that love endures and is stronger even than death? Do I believe that love is eternal? Only when we come to this center of the maze and receive the grace to believe the truth, are we really set free by Love that is perfect and eternal.
Understanding doesn't answer grief. The mind has no equation to solve this mystery. Only the heart can embrace the darkness of belief that is the true light of faith. Only the spirit can receive the Love that cannot be comprehended or understood but can only be savored and celebrated.
We enter robed in pain, full of questions, full of anguish, restless in our search to find the meaning and so be in control of our reality again or at least preserve our familiar illusions of safety and security. Twenty-five year old women just don't' get critically ill and die despite all modern medicine has to offer. It isn't "right"; it isn't "fair." It just doesn't make "sense." Mystery doesn't make sense that is why it is mystery. No, it doesn't seem fair and it seems out of the order we have come to trust. We are shaken not only by the tragedy, but by its challenge to the illusion of our control of our own little world. We don't like to feel helpless and out of control. Everything must have a reason that we might discerning understand and in comprehending once again be in control of ourselves. Ah, the depth of our illusions!
Once again pain is the leveler. These tragedies hurt us. Pain is again our instrument of healing. Of what do we need healing? Are we afraid perhaps of our own vulnerability? Are we angry over previous losses whose wound has never healed? Are we challenged by the lack of answers we can understand? Pain is the strange but necessary gateway to wholeness. Pain is a dark escort home to the heart of the Father who alone knows the depth of our wound and our vulnerability. We leave reason behind. We enter the dark gift of grace and let go. The silence and the darkness heal us. Slowly we rise and see the Light over the dark horizon of fear and pain. It is the Light of Holy Love.
In the end all that remains is love: in this love is God for God is Love. In God alone are we at peace. Is peace without pain at all times? No, we will always hurt in this separation from those we love that is the veil of death. However, in the end the love is greater than the pain because in this holy love is union. The peace comes from this union; the pain remains because our union is not complete until our own journey is done and we are truly one unveiled before God who unites us all. We walk on however in love. The love of those we have loved who have gone before us carries us on and the pain itself becomes deeper grace for it is but a measure of the gift of love we have been privileged to know and celebrate. We walk on more deeply in the mystery that is the Love who is God. The Light of this Love transcends all darkness we may face.
Time of death? Never, rather the time of Birth was seven-fifty a.m. one strange and challenging January morning; for us a dark but graced moment never to be forgotten. Thank you, Julia, my sister, for challenging me to help you in your Birth. Thank you, my God, for your dark Angel Pain who guided me back home to your heart and hence deeper in faith and love of You through this strange passage on my journey home.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)