Jim was dying. Jim knew that; so did his wife, Betty. He had his final heart attack and it was just a matter of time. Nothing else could be done. Betty had loved Jim for over forty years; it was not easy to say good bye. The CCU nurse, Ginny, also knew there was nothing she could do but help keep Jim comfortable. She brought Betty into Jim's room. She could see that Betty wanted to kiss and hold her dying husband but she was too short to reach over the bed rail. All Ginny did was lower the bed rail and give the couple a moment of privacy for a final kiss and a last embrace. Shortly afterwards Jim's tired heart gave out.
Years went by and Ginny ran into Betty in the supermarket. Betty embraced her and told Ginny she would always be grateful to her for lowering the bed rail and allowing her to kiss her husband good bye while he was still breathing. Betty had never forgotten that precious"stitch." How great a gift does lowering a bed rail seem but for Betty it was no less a measure of God's love than the miracle of the loaves and the fish were for those who heard Christ that day and whose hunger was appeased. Betty hungered to embrace her Jim and Ginny was the miracle, the cup of God that made it happen and appeased the hunger.
Ginny certainly hadn't thought anything about her act of kindness. It was a very ordinary thing to do. She didn't imagine she was performing any great act of love or doing anything amazing. In fact if she felt anything that day she felt helpless because as a nurse she couldn't offer more help. Yet God weaves a pattern through our lives one stitch at a time and reveals a truly miraculous tapestry, one glimpse at at time when we most need the assurance that our lives are serving, that we do make a difference.
It is the one stitches of life that change the world one heart at a time. We don't therefore have to do obvious "great" things in the world to make a difference and to change the world in positive ways. God is a master weaver. We may feel unraveled and frayed. God sees but a collection of one stitch opportunities just waiting to be connected in His Love to the tapestry of his heart.
God bless all our "one stitch" moments as both receivers and givers.
Saturday, October 9, 2010
another one stitch story: the story of Martha and Jane
This morning had been the last straw for Martha. At thirty she saw no reason to cling to life. Her only true love, Michael, had died in a tragic accident ten years earlier. Lonely with a one year old child she had to raise alone, she had too quickly taken up with George. She thought his drinking would stop once they were married, but it didn't. She never dreamed he would hit her, but he did repeatedly over five long years before she had the strength to leave him. She had to protect her children: little Michael, the child of her heart's only real love and little Mary, the product of the only pregnancy in three to survive George's cruelties. Her children were her life. She tried to do the right thing by them, but it was very hard being a single mother. She had married young and planned to go back to school. Then Michael had died and she had married George who would hear none of her dreams and "forbade" her to go to school or to work. She had drifted in and out of depression. She worked a few places but seldom for very long for the places she worked didn't believe in accommodating a single parent with sick children.
Michael had been diagnosed with acute myelocytic leukemia three years earlier. Chemotherapy put him into remission for 18 months. She was glad at least that she had lost her last job when she did and so qualified for welfare so at least some of the hospital bills could be paid and Michael could have the bone marrow transplant he needed. That had been 16 months ago and unfortunately it hadn't worked. The leukemia returned 8 months ago and Michael had left her and joined his namesake father. Still she had held on for little Mary, they were all alone in the world. Martha's parents had died in a plane crash two years before she married Michael and her only sister died of breast cancer before little Michael became ill. Michael's parents had never really gotten close to her and they lived 1000 miles away. When she remarried, they just severed all ties despite little Michael's need for grandparents. George had severed all ties with his family long before he married Martha. So it was just Martha and little Mary now.
With no family and no skills, it is hard to find a job that will afford the cost of daycare. Mary was only 5 after all. So Martha worked part-time as a check out clerk in the local supermarket. Maybe when Mary was in school all day next year, she could work more, make "more" of their life. That was before this morning. Mary had been okay last night, except for a little cold. Martha read her favorite bedtime story and gave her a teaspoon of generic Dimetapp and tucked her into bed. She checked Mary three hours later before going to bed herself, noticed she had a little fever, woke her up long enough to give her some Tylenol and asked her how she felt. Mary said she had a headache. She told Martha: I love you, Mommy and fell back to sleep. Her fever seemed to decrease some and Mary seemed to be resting, so Martha went to bed. She woke up a couple hours later to a gasping sound coming from Mary's room. She found Mary in the throes of a seizure. She called 911 in a panic.
The ambulance seemed to take forever to arrive even though it was only a few minutes. The squad took Mary and Martha to the nearest hospital. Mary, the doctor told Martha, had meningitis, treatment had a already begun but Mary had suffered two more seizures in the ER. They had given her medication, but Martha needed to understand that Mary was critically ill. Mary was flown to the area's pediatric teaching hospital. Martha prayed all night by her side in the ICU. Mary never regained consciousness. At 6 am she had another seizure despite all the medicine and her heart stopped. Doctors tried to resuscitate her repeatedly as she hovered between life and death; but an hour later there was nothing more they could do and Mary too died despite all efforts to save her. There would be an autopsy, but they were pretty certain that Mary had succumbed to meningococcal meningitis which is just so deadly that sometimes nothing helps.
Martha would need treatment also to prevent her becoming ill.
Nurses, a social worker, and someone from pastoral ministry came and talked with Martha. She felt dead inside though and couldn't hear anything they said really. She thanked them for their help, insisted there was no one they could call for her and that she would just take a bus home, and no, she didn't need a cab voucher. She left the hospital and remembered that the inner city hospital was close to the lake. Yes, she would walk to the lake and join those she loved. What else was there left to do? Why should she live? No one cared about her anymore; all those she cared about were now dead, even her little Mary had left her. Her heart felt dead already. She looked around at the strangers on the street as the city came to life that morning. She felt invisible. No one looked at each other; each was absorbed in their own agenda. The world will never miss me; I don't even know why I was here in the first place. Yes, the lake is the answer. Find an isolated place and just take a walk into oblivion. Martha walked finally with a purpose. She like everyone else around her saw no one else, just a herd of humanity.
Jane had trouble waking that morning, she liked the new job downtown but she didn't like the extra hour and a half earlier she had to get up to get there . Still she had learned a new outlook on life this past year and it gave her the strength to get up and get going even if her body just wanted to crawl back underneath the covers. To think a year ago she wasn't too sure she would still be alive. At 29 no woman expects to hear the doctor say "cancer." Thankfully, they had caught her breast cancer very early. She had survived prophylactic chemotherapy and the brush with her own mortality had taught her to live. She had been unable to conceive and the infertility workup and treatments had put a real stress on her marriage. Facing the reality of her mortality had made both she and her husband, Tom, do some real soul searching. Not only had they found a renewed love for each other, but God had become central in their life again.
It had been a year of challenge, but ultimately of renewal. Jane knew now life was as uncertain as it was wonderful. So she and Tom had resolved not to waste a moment of it. Jane walked from the subway station a few blocks to her office building. Her new approach to life gave her a different attitude to the strangers around her. She decided to really acknowledge those she passed on the street. All she said to them was"Good Morning!" but she did so sincerely and she looked each person in the eye as much as anyone allowed her to do so. It was a simple little gesture, but Jane felt committed not only to celebrating her own life, but in this small way to acknowledging the gift of the lives of those around her as well. This"Good Morning" ritual had become so much a part of her that she barely thought about it consciously anymore; it was just part of breathing for her. It was part of the fabric of who Jane had become. It was a genuine part of her song of life.
Jane and Martha crossed paths for only a few seconds. Jane looked into Martha's tear-filled eyes and said: "Good Morning!" and then seeing Martha's obvious pain she added: "GOD BLESS YOU!!" and then the stream of morning humanity swept them away from each other. It hardly seemed a saving act, certainly nothing heroic or seemingly extraordinary. However the sincerity of Jane's "Good Morning" broke through Martha's shroud with enough light to stop her in her tracks. That stranger cared enough about me to ask God to bless me! My Michael loved me like that and more. He would have wanted me to carry on but the pain is too great I can't do it alone. Please someone help me. Please, God help me, I can't, I just can't bear anymore. Martha saw a policeman parked at the street talking to a shopkeeper. With the strength she received from Jane's greeting, she approached him and simply said: I need help.
Martha was hospitalized two weeks and had outpatient therapy for six months but eventually went back to school and became a nurse. Five years after Mary's death she married a fellow nurse named Joe and knew at long last a love that was sacred again. Five years after that she walked into the room of her new admission, a 40 year old woman with recurrent metastatic breast cancer who was admitted for chemotherapy. Her name was Jane. Martha introduced herself. When Jane smiled weakly and said: "Good Morning!," Martha knew this was the woman who had saved her life so long before. Martha started crying and Jane said: "Please, I'm not dead yet!. Then Martha told her a story of "one stitch" in time that held the tapestry together. Martha helped Jane endure and persevere through the challenge of chemo and later radiation; both of their lives forever changed by the other, one stitch at a time.
May we be open to all the ways we can provide one needed stitch for each other's tapestries as we journey together through life.
God bless us all.
Michael had been diagnosed with acute myelocytic leukemia three years earlier. Chemotherapy put him into remission for 18 months. She was glad at least that she had lost her last job when she did and so qualified for welfare so at least some of the hospital bills could be paid and Michael could have the bone marrow transplant he needed. That had been 16 months ago and unfortunately it hadn't worked. The leukemia returned 8 months ago and Michael had left her and joined his namesake father. Still she had held on for little Mary, they were all alone in the world. Martha's parents had died in a plane crash two years before she married Michael and her only sister died of breast cancer before little Michael became ill. Michael's parents had never really gotten close to her and they lived 1000 miles away. When she remarried, they just severed all ties despite little Michael's need for grandparents. George had severed all ties with his family long before he married Martha. So it was just Martha and little Mary now.
With no family and no skills, it is hard to find a job that will afford the cost of daycare. Mary was only 5 after all. So Martha worked part-time as a check out clerk in the local supermarket. Maybe when Mary was in school all day next year, she could work more, make "more" of their life. That was before this morning. Mary had been okay last night, except for a little cold. Martha read her favorite bedtime story and gave her a teaspoon of generic Dimetapp and tucked her into bed. She checked Mary three hours later before going to bed herself, noticed she had a little fever, woke her up long enough to give her some Tylenol and asked her how she felt. Mary said she had a headache. She told Martha: I love you, Mommy and fell back to sleep. Her fever seemed to decrease some and Mary seemed to be resting, so Martha went to bed. She woke up a couple hours later to a gasping sound coming from Mary's room. She found Mary in the throes of a seizure. She called 911 in a panic.
The ambulance seemed to take forever to arrive even though it was only a few minutes. The squad took Mary and Martha to the nearest hospital. Mary, the doctor told Martha, had meningitis, treatment had a already begun but Mary had suffered two more seizures in the ER. They had given her medication, but Martha needed to understand that Mary was critically ill. Mary was flown to the area's pediatric teaching hospital. Martha prayed all night by her side in the ICU. Mary never regained consciousness. At 6 am she had another seizure despite all the medicine and her heart stopped. Doctors tried to resuscitate her repeatedly as she hovered between life and death; but an hour later there was nothing more they could do and Mary too died despite all efforts to save her. There would be an autopsy, but they were pretty certain that Mary had succumbed to meningococcal meningitis which is just so deadly that sometimes nothing helps.
Martha would need treatment also to prevent her becoming ill.
Nurses, a social worker, and someone from pastoral ministry came and talked with Martha. She felt dead inside though and couldn't hear anything they said really. She thanked them for their help, insisted there was no one they could call for her and that she would just take a bus home, and no, she didn't need a cab voucher. She left the hospital and remembered that the inner city hospital was close to the lake. Yes, she would walk to the lake and join those she loved. What else was there left to do? Why should she live? No one cared about her anymore; all those she cared about were now dead, even her little Mary had left her. Her heart felt dead already. She looked around at the strangers on the street as the city came to life that morning. She felt invisible. No one looked at each other; each was absorbed in their own agenda. The world will never miss me; I don't even know why I was here in the first place. Yes, the lake is the answer. Find an isolated place and just take a walk into oblivion. Martha walked finally with a purpose. She like everyone else around her saw no one else, just a herd of humanity.
Jane had trouble waking that morning, she liked the new job downtown but she didn't like the extra hour and a half earlier she had to get up to get there . Still she had learned a new outlook on life this past year and it gave her the strength to get up and get going even if her body just wanted to crawl back underneath the covers. To think a year ago she wasn't too sure she would still be alive. At 29 no woman expects to hear the doctor say "cancer." Thankfully, they had caught her breast cancer very early. She had survived prophylactic chemotherapy and the brush with her own mortality had taught her to live. She had been unable to conceive and the infertility workup and treatments had put a real stress on her marriage. Facing the reality of her mortality had made both she and her husband, Tom, do some real soul searching. Not only had they found a renewed love for each other, but God had become central in their life again.
It had been a year of challenge, but ultimately of renewal. Jane knew now life was as uncertain as it was wonderful. So she and Tom had resolved not to waste a moment of it. Jane walked from the subway station a few blocks to her office building. Her new approach to life gave her a different attitude to the strangers around her. She decided to really acknowledge those she passed on the street. All she said to them was"Good Morning!" but she did so sincerely and she looked each person in the eye as much as anyone allowed her to do so. It was a simple little gesture, but Jane felt committed not only to celebrating her own life, but in this small way to acknowledging the gift of the lives of those around her as well. This"Good Morning" ritual had become so much a part of her that she barely thought about it consciously anymore; it was just part of breathing for her. It was part of the fabric of who Jane had become. It was a genuine part of her song of life.
Jane and Martha crossed paths for only a few seconds. Jane looked into Martha's tear-filled eyes and said: "Good Morning!" and then seeing Martha's obvious pain she added: "GOD BLESS YOU!!" and then the stream of morning humanity swept them away from each other. It hardly seemed a saving act, certainly nothing heroic or seemingly extraordinary. However the sincerity of Jane's "Good Morning" broke through Martha's shroud with enough light to stop her in her tracks. That stranger cared enough about me to ask God to bless me! My Michael loved me like that and more. He would have wanted me to carry on but the pain is too great I can't do it alone. Please someone help me. Please, God help me, I can't, I just can't bear anymore. Martha saw a policeman parked at the street talking to a shopkeeper. With the strength she received from Jane's greeting, she approached him and simply said: I need help.
Martha was hospitalized two weeks and had outpatient therapy for six months but eventually went back to school and became a nurse. Five years after Mary's death she married a fellow nurse named Joe and knew at long last a love that was sacred again. Five years after that she walked into the room of her new admission, a 40 year old woman with recurrent metastatic breast cancer who was admitted for chemotherapy. Her name was Jane. Martha introduced herself. When Jane smiled weakly and said: "Good Morning!," Martha knew this was the woman who had saved her life so long before. Martha started crying and Jane said: "Please, I'm not dead yet!. Then Martha told her a story of "one stitch" in time that held the tapestry together. Martha helped Jane endure and persevere through the challenge of chemo and later radiation; both of their lives forever changed by the other, one stitch at a time.
May we be open to all the ways we can provide one needed stitch for each other's tapestries as we journey together through life.
God bless us all.
one stitch
We're bringing in a 50 year old man who was in your ER earlier for bleeding from his leg. His leg started to bleed again, we have the bleeding controlled with pressure. Vitals are as follows: BP 168/96 Pulse100 Respiration 22. Our ETA is 3 minutes. Any questions or further orders?
No questions or orders we'll be awaiting your arrival.
Mr."Young" arrived in stable condition, was placed on a cart and a new set of vitals was taken. The varicose vein that was causing the bleeding from his left leg had indeed already stopped bleeding with the pressure the paramedics had applied. However, Mr. Young was very frustrated. He had in the previous 36 hours been in the ER twice for the same problem only to have the bleeding resume once he started moving normally. I suggested that since chemical cautery had not resolved the problem, that I simply put a stitch in to maintain pressure on the vein until the body had a chance to repair the vein's defect. Mr. Young agreed and I simply cleansed the affected area of his leg and put in one stitch. I told him I hoped this solved the problem, but I made him no promises and instructed him to have the suture removed in 7-10 days. I wrote his chart and sent him on his way. Our whole interaction probably lasted 5 minutes, From my point of view this was hardly an exceptional or memorable encounter. I wasn't involved in stabilizing any critical problem that helped to save his life nor had I resolved any horrible suffering on his part. I just put one stitch in a bothersome varicose vein in his leg, hardly brain surgery so to speak.
I would not have remembered the event at all had Mr. Young not returned to the ER a few years later when I was on duty for treatment of a nosebleed. I didn't particularly recognize him but he knew me right off. I explained that I needed to put a nasal packing in to control his bleeding and that the process would be uncomfortable. He replied with utter confidence: I trust you completely doc, after all you were the only one who knew what to do for me last time! (Apparently the stitch had worked.) He let me know that since I had "so brilliantly" fixed his leg the last time he had experienced no further problems. I packed his nose, got his blood pressure under control, and again sent him on his way.
I know that what I did for Mr. Young initially was hardly worth remembering from my point of view anyway. He had a nuisance problem and I offered a simple solution with the most minimal of intervention. Yet genuinely Mr. Young treated me like I had saved his life. When I asked the nurses I worked with about Mr. Young's response to the minimal I believed I had done for him, they told me: Yes, it wasn't a big deal, but you fixed the problem and for him that's all that mattered. His responses led me to a deeper vision of our interactions with each other. Perhaps there are many times and ways in which the "one stitches" offered in our lives are truly lifesaving for others.
We usually don't really notice these "one stitches" of our lives because they seem so trivial. However to the one receiving the stitch the gift may be truly salvific. We are all part of each other's tapestries. We do not go home alone no matter how alone our lives may at times seem. Every day we touch each other's lives with similar one stitch stories and never notice the blessing we have for been for each other. The love of God is like this. We seldom notice the rain much unless there is drought or flooding or we have plans that call for sunshine. Still the wetness of the rain does not vary. What varies is the ground of our lives upon which the "rain" falls. So at times a sincere "Good morning!"(see next one touch story) can save a life and one well placed suture can seem like a miracle.
Think about your own life. I'm sure you may come up with some "one stitches" of your own for which to be amazed both as giver and receiver
God bless.
No questions or orders we'll be awaiting your arrival.
Mr."Young" arrived in stable condition, was placed on a cart and a new set of vitals was taken. The varicose vein that was causing the bleeding from his left leg had indeed already stopped bleeding with the pressure the paramedics had applied. However, Mr. Young was very frustrated. He had in the previous 36 hours been in the ER twice for the same problem only to have the bleeding resume once he started moving normally. I suggested that since chemical cautery had not resolved the problem, that I simply put a stitch in to maintain pressure on the vein until the body had a chance to repair the vein's defect. Mr. Young agreed and I simply cleansed the affected area of his leg and put in one stitch. I told him I hoped this solved the problem, but I made him no promises and instructed him to have the suture removed in 7-10 days. I wrote his chart and sent him on his way. Our whole interaction probably lasted 5 minutes, From my point of view this was hardly an exceptional or memorable encounter. I wasn't involved in stabilizing any critical problem that helped to save his life nor had I resolved any horrible suffering on his part. I just put one stitch in a bothersome varicose vein in his leg, hardly brain surgery so to speak.
I would not have remembered the event at all had Mr. Young not returned to the ER a few years later when I was on duty for treatment of a nosebleed. I didn't particularly recognize him but he knew me right off. I explained that I needed to put a nasal packing in to control his bleeding and that the process would be uncomfortable. He replied with utter confidence: I trust you completely doc, after all you were the only one who knew what to do for me last time! (Apparently the stitch had worked.) He let me know that since I had "so brilliantly" fixed his leg the last time he had experienced no further problems. I packed his nose, got his blood pressure under control, and again sent him on his way.
I know that what I did for Mr. Young initially was hardly worth remembering from my point of view anyway. He had a nuisance problem and I offered a simple solution with the most minimal of intervention. Yet genuinely Mr. Young treated me like I had saved his life. When I asked the nurses I worked with about Mr. Young's response to the minimal I believed I had done for him, they told me: Yes, it wasn't a big deal, but you fixed the problem and for him that's all that mattered. His responses led me to a deeper vision of our interactions with each other. Perhaps there are many times and ways in which the "one stitches" offered in our lives are truly lifesaving for others.
We usually don't really notice these "one stitches" of our lives because they seem so trivial. However to the one receiving the stitch the gift may be truly salvific. We are all part of each other's tapestries. We do not go home alone no matter how alone our lives may at times seem. Every day we touch each other's lives with similar one stitch stories and never notice the blessing we have for been for each other. The love of God is like this. We seldom notice the rain much unless there is drought or flooding or we have plans that call for sunshine. Still the wetness of the rain does not vary. What varies is the ground of our lives upon which the "rain" falls. So at times a sincere "Good morning!"(see next one touch story) can save a life and one well placed suture can seem like a miracle.
Think about your own life. I'm sure you may come up with some "one stitches" of your own for which to be amazed both as giver and receiver
God bless.
The mustard seed of faith
Luke: 17:5-10 (reading actually for Sunday October 3, 2010)
The Apostles said to the Lord: "Increase our faith," and he answered: "If you had faith the size of a mustard seed, you could say to the sycamore, 'be uprooted and transplanted into the sea,' and it would obey you.
"If one of you had a servant plowing or herding sheep and he came in from the fields, would you say to him,'Come and sit down at the table?' Would you not rather say,'Prepare my supper. You can eat and drink afterward?' Would he be grateful to the servant who was only carrying out his orders.? It is quite the same with you who hear me. When you have done all you have been commanded to do, say, 'We are useless servants. We have done no more than our duty.' "
The mustard seed has always been a source of inspiration. I received a little mustard seed necklace when I received my first communion an impossible 50 years ago this month. My journey with God since then has had it's major challenges as living the Gospel always does, but the image of the mustard seed has always given me strength through many years and many terrains of spiritual journey. I still wear a mustard seed pin on my scrub top whenever I am serving God in his people as a physician. If you haven't had a chance to see a mustard seed, it looks hardly bigger than a prominent speck of dust, yet it grows into a tree large enough to shelter the birds of the air. In a world where bigger and larger are it seems always deemed better, knowing that even a little faith goes a long way, is very comforting. We do not need to have heroic faith to accomplish heroic things in ministry, all we need to do is trust.
Let's look at the lives of some folks who did just that: trusted. Consider the life of St. Juliana of Norwich, a 14th century recluse and mystic. She was probably a Benedictine nun and lived her life in seclusion. Her faithfulness yielded a heart that was incredibly opened to grace by God's mercy. She was blessed with a mystical understanding of the soul's union with God that has blessed the world for centuries since she has lived and died, leading many souls to a greater peacefulness on their spiritual journey. She remember lived her life in seclusion, in prayer and fasting. Yet in her hiddenness and littleness, her mustard seed of faith did indeed yield a rich harvest for millions of souls besides her own. Her writings and revelations will continue to inspire generations to come I am sure. (I recommend reading her sharings if you are not familiar with her.)
Likewise too, Blessed Charles de Foucald was one whose mustard seed of faith yielded an unexpected harvest. Charles lived much more recently being born in the 19th century dying in 1916 at the age of 58. From the point of view of the world his life would not have seemed to have amounted to much. (Much in some ways like a certain Jesus of Nazareth except that Jesus had more followers during his lifetime than Charles did.) He was born in France and "lost" his faith as an adolescent but his spiritual hunger lead him to keep seeking and eventually he not only found a living mustard seed of faith within him, but he knew he needed to devote his life to serving Jesus in living a lifestyle of poverty and humility.
He went to the desert and tried to live the humble life of Jesus at Nazareth. He worked hard and tried to be a true brother to all. He wrote a rule for a Religious order but such an order was never to become a reality in his lifetime. He was eventually ordained a priest at age 43 after God kept pushing him to receive ordination. He wanted to be a presence of God to those most isolated and abandoned. He truly tried to proclaim the Gospel with his life. He wrote: “I would like to be sufficiently good that people would say, “If such is the servant, what must the Master be like?” (Would that all of us would take our cue from such a challenge!) He was killed by a band of marauders for no apparent reason, so he was a victim of random violence in the desert, not so unconnected to our own times of so much random violence and suffering.
He made only two converts to his faith formally in his lifetime although he was respected and admired by many Bedouin tribes. Again as I said if you look at the simple facts of his life like that of Juliana there doesn't seem to be much consequence to it. However his rule for a Religious order sparked many hundreds of Religious and lay communities the world over and so again this little life has inspired literally millions of folks to live a holy life of simple service. From the seed of faith indeed great trees bloom if only we would trust that God's word to us is true and that none of us live in vain. (I do recommend the writings of Charles as well but only if you really want to be challenged to a deeper faith and a greater love.)
Then of course there is the "little soul" of St. Therese of Lisieux. Therese was a contemporary of Charles, both of them being born in the 19th century, he in 1858 and she in 1873. Therese lived only 24 years and yet she has effected souls across the world with the "mustard seed" of her autobiography entitled: The story of a soul. She lived in France, was sickly most of her life, entered a cloistered nunnery at age 15 and died 11 years later. Again from the vision of the world, no big deal. She was one who was truly in love with Jesus and who perfected a "little way of grace." She offered all the ordinary challenges of the day, the little things of life as an offering to God. Through this "little way" the mustard seed of her faith blossomed into a tree of unimaginable magnitude. Therese's Story of a soul has been translated into numerous languages and touched millions of souls of various faiths and spiritualities. She is a spiritual giant upon whom many still count for spiritual guidance and help in their daily lives.She promised that she would spend her eternity showering the earth with roses of blessings and she has kept her promise. (If you have not read her Story of a soul, treat yourself to an adventure of grace.)
All of these wonderful folks also understood the second half of this passage in Luke. We are called to be the icons of God for a world so in need of the experience of God's presence. This is not extra credit or work above and beyond the call of duty. No, this is who we are made to be. To be less than an icon of the Living God is to be less than we were created to be. We have that choice but why would we not want to be all the goodness of God we were created to be? Being good to each other is wonderful and graced, but it is not "extra credit;" it is stepping up to the fullness of our true selves. We are genuinely created in the image and likeness of God. Are other folks blessed by our presence? Do we at least try to be the best cup of God we can be? God's love is freely given to all, but it must be freely received also. We too can expect that just as folks reject God for whatever reason, they will reject us as his icons. This isn't any extra special suffering either, just part of the call to be a true reflection of God's love. This too is part of the journey of the human soul, no more no less. Sometimes if we keep these things in perspective we will feel less persecuted also.
I leave you with a final story of my own. A woman I met in college named Jennifer used to call me every few years after we went our separate ways.Often we just talked to each other's answering machines. I hadn't seen Jennifer for 22 years and yet she called one day (on exactly the day I most needed it) to let me know how much of a difference I had made in her life. When she called, her words were like a letter from God reminding me of exactly what I needed to remember to carry on faith's journey. She reminded me of two things I had said long ago that made a real difference in her life.
Jen and I were part of a spiritual community in college but I am older than she and so left college a couple of years before she did. The breakup of part of the community (those graduating with me) was very traumatic to Jen as the spiritual community we shared was a close knit one. I comforted her at that time by telling her that we are always with each other in the heart of God who made us one on the journey in the first place. I told her that we didn't need to talk to or see each other to be a part of each other's lives, but when we needed that kind of embrace, God would connect us in whatever way we most needed. I assured us none of us are ever alone on the journey. We all walk in community even the hermits of the world and those who seem so isolated. God connects us all. If I close my eyes to the light of a sunny day and complain of the darkness, that does not diminish the grace of the light, only my present perception and reception of it. So too with grace. We walk in faith for a reason as "reason" only gets us so far. We will always have inadequate understanding for our minds to be the "chiefs" of our paths. Rather we must be spirit-led and so walk in faith where the mind cannot take us through this Mystery that is Life.
Jen reminded me of one other thing I said to her that was surely God speaking. She said that she once felt so broken that she wondered if she could ever serve God or help others in any meaningful way. I told her then that even if a cup is so terribly broken that it has no bottom at all, if the ocean is poured through it, the cup will always remain full because of the vastness of the ocean. So too it is with us. We are the broken cups and God is the ocean of endless Love that pours through us. We don't have to fix our cracks, so to speak, for God to use us. We just have to be willing to have the water of Love flow through us. We don't have to be whole to be vessels of healing, or understand to bear his wisdom to another. The cup can never limit the ocean poured into it, rather the ocean fills and fulfills the cup. We are the cup and God the ocean. We can freely choose not to invite the ocean into our cup, but why would we want to make such a choice?
Let us embrace the faith of a mustard seed then, and trust that our lives will bear great fruit, but understand that the harvest is seldom within our vision. Nonetheless as we struggle to live as people of faith and devotion to God's holy love, we should be encouraged that God is already using us to change the world around us. He is making us lights for too much surrounding darkness. We don't have to see it to trust that it is true; for God has promised that his grace, his Word, does not go forth from him and return empty but instead yields a rich and eternal harvest. Let us trust then his living Word to pass through us and bear needed fruit one graced moment at a time.
God bless us all.
The Apostles said to the Lord: "Increase our faith," and he answered: "If you had faith the size of a mustard seed, you could say to the sycamore, 'be uprooted and transplanted into the sea,' and it would obey you.
"If one of you had a servant plowing or herding sheep and he came in from the fields, would you say to him,'Come and sit down at the table?' Would you not rather say,'Prepare my supper. You can eat and drink afterward?' Would he be grateful to the servant who was only carrying out his orders.? It is quite the same with you who hear me. When you have done all you have been commanded to do, say, 'We are useless servants. We have done no more than our duty.' "
The mustard seed has always been a source of inspiration. I received a little mustard seed necklace when I received my first communion an impossible 50 years ago this month. My journey with God since then has had it's major challenges as living the Gospel always does, but the image of the mustard seed has always given me strength through many years and many terrains of spiritual journey. I still wear a mustard seed pin on my scrub top whenever I am serving God in his people as a physician. If you haven't had a chance to see a mustard seed, it looks hardly bigger than a prominent speck of dust, yet it grows into a tree large enough to shelter the birds of the air. In a world where bigger and larger are it seems always deemed better, knowing that even a little faith goes a long way, is very comforting. We do not need to have heroic faith to accomplish heroic things in ministry, all we need to do is trust.
Let's look at the lives of some folks who did just that: trusted. Consider the life of St. Juliana of Norwich, a 14th century recluse and mystic. She was probably a Benedictine nun and lived her life in seclusion. Her faithfulness yielded a heart that was incredibly opened to grace by God's mercy. She was blessed with a mystical understanding of the soul's union with God that has blessed the world for centuries since she has lived and died, leading many souls to a greater peacefulness on their spiritual journey. She remember lived her life in seclusion, in prayer and fasting. Yet in her hiddenness and littleness, her mustard seed of faith did indeed yield a rich harvest for millions of souls besides her own. Her writings and revelations will continue to inspire generations to come I am sure. (I recommend reading her sharings if you are not familiar with her.)
Likewise too, Blessed Charles de Foucald was one whose mustard seed of faith yielded an unexpected harvest. Charles lived much more recently being born in the 19th century dying in 1916 at the age of 58. From the point of view of the world his life would not have seemed to have amounted to much. (Much in some ways like a certain Jesus of Nazareth except that Jesus had more followers during his lifetime than Charles did.) He was born in France and "lost" his faith as an adolescent but his spiritual hunger lead him to keep seeking and eventually he not only found a living mustard seed of faith within him, but he knew he needed to devote his life to serving Jesus in living a lifestyle of poverty and humility.
He went to the desert and tried to live the humble life of Jesus at Nazareth. He worked hard and tried to be a true brother to all. He wrote a rule for a Religious order but such an order was never to become a reality in his lifetime. He was eventually ordained a priest at age 43 after God kept pushing him to receive ordination. He wanted to be a presence of God to those most isolated and abandoned. He truly tried to proclaim the Gospel with his life. He wrote: “I would like to be sufficiently good that people would say, “If such is the servant, what must the Master be like?” (Would that all of us would take our cue from such a challenge!) He was killed by a band of marauders for no apparent reason, so he was a victim of random violence in the desert, not so unconnected to our own times of so much random violence and suffering.
He made only two converts to his faith formally in his lifetime although he was respected and admired by many Bedouin tribes. Again as I said if you look at the simple facts of his life like that of Juliana there doesn't seem to be much consequence to it. However his rule for a Religious order sparked many hundreds of Religious and lay communities the world over and so again this little life has inspired literally millions of folks to live a holy life of simple service. From the seed of faith indeed great trees bloom if only we would trust that God's word to us is true and that none of us live in vain. (I do recommend the writings of Charles as well but only if you really want to be challenged to a deeper faith and a greater love.)
Then of course there is the "little soul" of St. Therese of Lisieux. Therese was a contemporary of Charles, both of them being born in the 19th century, he in 1858 and she in 1873. Therese lived only 24 years and yet she has effected souls across the world with the "mustard seed" of her autobiography entitled: The story of a soul. She lived in France, was sickly most of her life, entered a cloistered nunnery at age 15 and died 11 years later. Again from the vision of the world, no big deal. She was one who was truly in love with Jesus and who perfected a "little way of grace." She offered all the ordinary challenges of the day, the little things of life as an offering to God. Through this "little way" the mustard seed of her faith blossomed into a tree of unimaginable magnitude. Therese's Story of a soul has been translated into numerous languages and touched millions of souls of various faiths and spiritualities. She is a spiritual giant upon whom many still count for spiritual guidance and help in their daily lives.She promised that she would spend her eternity showering the earth with roses of blessings and she has kept her promise. (If you have not read her Story of a soul, treat yourself to an adventure of grace.)
All of these wonderful folks also understood the second half of this passage in Luke. We are called to be the icons of God for a world so in need of the experience of God's presence. This is not extra credit or work above and beyond the call of duty. No, this is who we are made to be. To be less than an icon of the Living God is to be less than we were created to be. We have that choice but why would we not want to be all the goodness of God we were created to be? Being good to each other is wonderful and graced, but it is not "extra credit;" it is stepping up to the fullness of our true selves. We are genuinely created in the image and likeness of God. Are other folks blessed by our presence? Do we at least try to be the best cup of God we can be? God's love is freely given to all, but it must be freely received also. We too can expect that just as folks reject God for whatever reason, they will reject us as his icons. This isn't any extra special suffering either, just part of the call to be a true reflection of God's love. This too is part of the journey of the human soul, no more no less. Sometimes if we keep these things in perspective we will feel less persecuted also.
I leave you with a final story of my own. A woman I met in college named Jennifer used to call me every few years after we went our separate ways.Often we just talked to each other's answering machines. I hadn't seen Jennifer for 22 years and yet she called one day (on exactly the day I most needed it) to let me know how much of a difference I had made in her life. When she called, her words were like a letter from God reminding me of exactly what I needed to remember to carry on faith's journey. She reminded me of two things I had said long ago that made a real difference in her life.
Jen and I were part of a spiritual community in college but I am older than she and so left college a couple of years before she did. The breakup of part of the community (those graduating with me) was very traumatic to Jen as the spiritual community we shared was a close knit one. I comforted her at that time by telling her that we are always with each other in the heart of God who made us one on the journey in the first place. I told her that we didn't need to talk to or see each other to be a part of each other's lives, but when we needed that kind of embrace, God would connect us in whatever way we most needed. I assured us none of us are ever alone on the journey. We all walk in community even the hermits of the world and those who seem so isolated. God connects us all. If I close my eyes to the light of a sunny day and complain of the darkness, that does not diminish the grace of the light, only my present perception and reception of it. So too with grace. We walk in faith for a reason as "reason" only gets us so far. We will always have inadequate understanding for our minds to be the "chiefs" of our paths. Rather we must be spirit-led and so walk in faith where the mind cannot take us through this Mystery that is Life.
Jen reminded me of one other thing I said to her that was surely God speaking. She said that she once felt so broken that she wondered if she could ever serve God or help others in any meaningful way. I told her then that even if a cup is so terribly broken that it has no bottom at all, if the ocean is poured through it, the cup will always remain full because of the vastness of the ocean. So too it is with us. We are the broken cups and God is the ocean of endless Love that pours through us. We don't have to fix our cracks, so to speak, for God to use us. We just have to be willing to have the water of Love flow through us. We don't have to be whole to be vessels of healing, or understand to bear his wisdom to another. The cup can never limit the ocean poured into it, rather the ocean fills and fulfills the cup. We are the cup and God the ocean. We can freely choose not to invite the ocean into our cup, but why would we want to make such a choice?
Let us embrace the faith of a mustard seed then, and trust that our lives will bear great fruit, but understand that the harvest is seldom within our vision. Nonetheless as we struggle to live as people of faith and devotion to God's holy love, we should be encouraged that God is already using us to change the world around us. He is making us lights for too much surrounding darkness. We don't have to see it to trust that it is true; for God has promised that his grace, his Word, does not go forth from him and return empty but instead yields a rich and eternal harvest. Let us trust then his living Word to pass through us and bear needed fruit one graced moment at a time.
God bless us all.
Monday, October 4, 2010
Stir into flame your gifts
The third reading for this Sunday October 3, 2010 Is from the second letter of Paul to Timothy:
2Tm 1: 6-8,13-14
I remind you to stir into flame the gift of God bestowed when my hands were laid on you. The Spirit God has given us is no cowardly spirit but rather one that makes us strong, loving and wise. Therefore, never be ashamed of your testimony to our Lord, nor of me, a prisoner for his sake; but with the strength which comes from God bear your share of the hardship which the gospel entails.
Take as a model of sound teaching what you have heard me say, in faith and love in Christ Jesus. Guard the rich deposit of faith with the help of the Holy Spirit who dwells within us.
Yes, stir into flame your divine gifts. We lament the evil and tragedy in the world played across our television and computer screens. We wish we could "do something" when someone we love is suffering emotionally, physically, or spiritually. "But we are only human" we excuse... Do we realize what God made "human" to be? How much wonderful treasure was and continues to be breathed into us from the Spirit who is the Living God? We are not powerless; imprisoned and changed to a bed of torture, we are not powerless, much less in the challenge of our daily lives. We have within us a holy and wonderful gift a spark of God, no, really. Don't take it from me, take it from the One who made all of us: the Spirit given to you is one that makes us strong, loving and wise!!
Our gifts however are not just given for our own edification. They are give to us to serve the whole human community. We have so much, each of us, to offer a struggling world. Our gifts don't have to be dramatic or seem big to make a difference. Every kindness that we offer combats all the violence in the world. Every act of selfless love thwarts hatred. We are so connected and yet ironically all too often we feel isolated even as the world gets smaller through all the new connections that have become standard. Beyond all technology we are bound at a cellular level and a deeper spiritual level. We really are all made of the same stuff. We are made of star dust and we are made to shine like the Light of God in the universe. We have the very life breath of God within us and how we respond every moment of every day in our lives affects the whole world. I know that sounds like dramatic hyperbole but by the mystery of God's Holy Love it is really true.
God has promised us we do not live in vain. Our lives, our gifts matter, not just to us but to the whole human community. Our choices have consequences not just for ourselves but for all of us, perhaps in ways not yet seen, but nonetheless real. The whole nature of sin fits into this concept. Sin is the negative force opposite the gifts within us. Going contrary to our gifts and/or simply choosing not to use them, negatively impacts our souls and in some real way diminishes and affects in harmful ways the whole community. Change is costly for all of us even changes that are overtly good and readily embraced require time for us to acclimate. Christianity, or whatever other venue in which we awaken our spirituality, is not for the faint-hearted. Truth is exacting. Compassion demands passion usually on the cross of some paradox or another. For example children are great blessings but they require everything from us, the very laying down of our own lives at times. Love isn't easy even when the choices for love are straightforward and simple. Often however it isn't that clear what is the most loving choice. Living the Gospel, living the truth of Love is hard. There is no way around it. We all are called to bear our part of the challenge or the cost of the Gospel. It is part of the cost of being human I suppose and part strangely of the blessing as well.
We may be called to the challenge of bearing our part of the cross, but we are also blessed to never be alone in the crucible. The Spirit assures us that faith will stretch to cover any territory we demand of it and to be as strong as we allow it to be. The Spirit promises to always be within us if we will only be open to the inspiration. Yes, let us inhale freely the Breath of the Spirit and allow the Holy Fire that is God held in this Mystery to ignite our gifts within us, to not only light our paths but to bring Light to the darkness that threatens to discourage the whole world. We have a choice, we can lament all the suffering and injustice in the world or we can amend it by the way we live out lives. We can be the cups of God for which our brothers and sisters so thirst. Let us not pretend anymore that we don't have the means to change the world, but let us bless the human community by awakening to our own living hearts as tabernacles truly of God. Let us indeed then let the Holy Spirit fan into flame the gifts living within us to so brighten the landscape with this incarnate compassion of God.
Blessings to all.
2Tm 1: 6-8,13-14
I remind you to stir into flame the gift of God bestowed when my hands were laid on you. The Spirit God has given us is no cowardly spirit but rather one that makes us strong, loving and wise. Therefore, never be ashamed of your testimony to our Lord, nor of me, a prisoner for his sake; but with the strength which comes from God bear your share of the hardship which the gospel entails.
Take as a model of sound teaching what you have heard me say, in faith and love in Christ Jesus. Guard the rich deposit of faith with the help of the Holy Spirit who dwells within us.
Yes, stir into flame your divine gifts. We lament the evil and tragedy in the world played across our television and computer screens. We wish we could "do something" when someone we love is suffering emotionally, physically, or spiritually. "But we are only human" we excuse... Do we realize what God made "human" to be? How much wonderful treasure was and continues to be breathed into us from the Spirit who is the Living God? We are not powerless; imprisoned and changed to a bed of torture, we are not powerless, much less in the challenge of our daily lives. We have within us a holy and wonderful gift a spark of God, no, really. Don't take it from me, take it from the One who made all of us: the Spirit given to you is one that makes us strong, loving and wise!!
Our gifts however are not just given for our own edification. They are give to us to serve the whole human community. We have so much, each of us, to offer a struggling world. Our gifts don't have to be dramatic or seem big to make a difference. Every kindness that we offer combats all the violence in the world. Every act of selfless love thwarts hatred. We are so connected and yet ironically all too often we feel isolated even as the world gets smaller through all the new connections that have become standard. Beyond all technology we are bound at a cellular level and a deeper spiritual level. We really are all made of the same stuff. We are made of star dust and we are made to shine like the Light of God in the universe. We have the very life breath of God within us and how we respond every moment of every day in our lives affects the whole world. I know that sounds like dramatic hyperbole but by the mystery of God's Holy Love it is really true.
God has promised us we do not live in vain. Our lives, our gifts matter, not just to us but to the whole human community. Our choices have consequences not just for ourselves but for all of us, perhaps in ways not yet seen, but nonetheless real. The whole nature of sin fits into this concept. Sin is the negative force opposite the gifts within us. Going contrary to our gifts and/or simply choosing not to use them, negatively impacts our souls and in some real way diminishes and affects in harmful ways the whole community. Change is costly for all of us even changes that are overtly good and readily embraced require time for us to acclimate. Christianity, or whatever other venue in which we awaken our spirituality, is not for the faint-hearted. Truth is exacting. Compassion demands passion usually on the cross of some paradox or another. For example children are great blessings but they require everything from us, the very laying down of our own lives at times. Love isn't easy even when the choices for love are straightforward and simple. Often however it isn't that clear what is the most loving choice. Living the Gospel, living the truth of Love is hard. There is no way around it. We all are called to bear our part of the challenge or the cost of the Gospel. It is part of the cost of being human I suppose and part strangely of the blessing as well.
We may be called to the challenge of bearing our part of the cross, but we are also blessed to never be alone in the crucible. The Spirit assures us that faith will stretch to cover any territory we demand of it and to be as strong as we allow it to be. The Spirit promises to always be within us if we will only be open to the inspiration. Yes, let us inhale freely the Breath of the Spirit and allow the Holy Fire that is God held in this Mystery to ignite our gifts within us, to not only light our paths but to bring Light to the darkness that threatens to discourage the whole world. We have a choice, we can lament all the suffering and injustice in the world or we can amend it by the way we live out lives. We can be the cups of God for which our brothers and sisters so thirst. Let us not pretend anymore that we don't have the means to change the world, but let us bless the human community by awakening to our own living hearts as tabernacles truly of God. Let us indeed then let the Holy Spirit fan into flame the gifts living within us to so brighten the landscape with this incarnate compassion of God.
Blessings to all.
Saturday, October 2, 2010
If today you hear his voice, harden not your hearts.
The psalm passage for this Sunday (October 3, my 57th birthday actually) is from psalm 95: 1-2, 6-7, 8-9
Come let us sing joyfully to the Lord; let us acclaim the Rock of our salvation. Let us greet him with thanksgiving; let us joyfully sing psalms to him.
Come let us bow down in worship; let us kneel before the Lord who made us. For he is our God, and we are the people he shepherds, the flock he guides.
Oh, that today you would hear his voice; "harden not your hearts as at Meribah, as in the day of Massah in the desert, where your fathers tempted me; they tested me though they had seen my works."
Refrain: If today you hear his voice, harden not your hearts.
Usually every year around the time of my birthday, I try to reflect so that I don't just let the year pass unconsidered and unreviewed. I think especially as I get older that I find the journey is more and more about letting go and not letting my heart be hardened by how rough and disappointing the passage can sometimes seem to be. It is indeed important that I keep my mind and my heart open and really hear the voice of God speaking within me: Spirit to spirit, Heart to heart. It means learning to receive the grace in each moment especially the ones that "feel" less overtly graced; for indeed all moments hold a gift to be received. Yes, I know it is sometimes hard to be joyful about challenging events. Yet, it is these moments of difficulty and challenge that make us grow and help us to develop fully into the wonderful reflections of God we were created from all eternity to be.
Like baby birds we would never leave our warm cozy niches if God or Life didn't throw us out of the nest and let us experience really falling. Until we are really falling (usually experienced as failing), we are often unmotivated to use or even try our wings. When we are plummeting to earth, we have no choice but to fly or die. Spiritually we come to this impasse as well. Will we let out spirits soar and walk into the incarnationally miraculous or will we let ourselves die because gravity was not what we expected? I am, of course, speaking metaphorically, but I think the image is real. We all have after a certain time in our lives a pretty fixed idea of who we are and of how our lives should be. Unfortunately sometimes these ideas have no true grounding in reality before God. We even in midlife and beyond often have much work to do discovering and celebrating our true selves, the self our Creator breathed us to be from our loving inception.
We have a preset idea of what success and failure are meant to be and we have a hard time redefining things for ourselves. Some of the unnecessary suffering in our lives is due to this hardness of heart. We have come to understand our lives and ourselves in limited ways and to understand who we are by what we do rather than by who we were created to be. We want things to be clear and straightforward and yet we were built to be creatures of awe and mystery. We want what we want when and how we want it, yet consider ourselves to be people of grace open to God and all his ways (until of course his ways are not our ways). We are silly creatures sometimes, aren't we?
So let us come joyfully to God who is the immutable Rock that saves us from ourselves and our inconsistencies and changing definitions of truth. God is the solid Truth within us that remains unchanging as we try on new false definitions over the journey only to finally uncover what we knew all along: we are spirit born of Spirit, we come from God and we are only whole when we are one with I AM WHO AM whose Living Breath alone defines us. Our spirits should then erupt with joy and gratitude, a gratitude that is a deep and lasting thankfulness for the wonder and mystery of our own creation, for the gift of being who we uniquely are. We really are marvelous creatures born of ineffable Love.
Come let us indeed bow down in humility and celebrate this mystery, this gift that is Life. Let us not be stiff-necked or stubborn-hearted, let us just be who we are and let us let God be God in wonder, awe and Mystery. Let us allow ourselves to be shepherded, for even though we think otherwise, we often do not know the way, we only think we do. Let us grow still and quiet when we thirst rather than grumbling,complaining, and quarrelsome. Let us share our thirst with God, trusting he already knows our needs and has already answered them through blessing us with all we need and so much more.
Let us not need to test or try God, let us yield and trust that Love cannot be other than Loving. Then we can go forth through all our deserts, all our cold dark nights, knowing the well of Living Water is already within us. Out thirst will be met and all our heart's deepest needs as well. For as much as we may thirst for God and for many things in Life, God thirsts more in Love for union with us and this passion is a wellspring of hope that can surely be trusted and celebrated as a Holy Light in every darkness.
Let us indeed not harden our hearts but rejoice that God is a God of infinite nearness whose Spirit is even in the breath within us. Today let us indeed hear the voice of God anew speaking to our hearts: and let us respond joyfully genuinely: Speak, Lord, your servant is listening with an open and willing heart!
Come let us sing joyfully to the Lord; let us acclaim the Rock of our salvation. Let us greet him with thanksgiving; let us joyfully sing psalms to him.
Come let us bow down in worship; let us kneel before the Lord who made us. For he is our God, and we are the people he shepherds, the flock he guides.
Oh, that today you would hear his voice; "harden not your hearts as at Meribah, as in the day of Massah in the desert, where your fathers tempted me; they tested me though they had seen my works."
Refrain: If today you hear his voice, harden not your hearts.
Usually every year around the time of my birthday, I try to reflect so that I don't just let the year pass unconsidered and unreviewed. I think especially as I get older that I find the journey is more and more about letting go and not letting my heart be hardened by how rough and disappointing the passage can sometimes seem to be. It is indeed important that I keep my mind and my heart open and really hear the voice of God speaking within me: Spirit to spirit, Heart to heart. It means learning to receive the grace in each moment especially the ones that "feel" less overtly graced; for indeed all moments hold a gift to be received. Yes, I know it is sometimes hard to be joyful about challenging events. Yet, it is these moments of difficulty and challenge that make us grow and help us to develop fully into the wonderful reflections of God we were created from all eternity to be.
Like baby birds we would never leave our warm cozy niches if God or Life didn't throw us out of the nest and let us experience really falling. Until we are really falling (usually experienced as failing), we are often unmotivated to use or even try our wings. When we are plummeting to earth, we have no choice but to fly or die. Spiritually we come to this impasse as well. Will we let out spirits soar and walk into the incarnationally miraculous or will we let ourselves die because gravity was not what we expected? I am, of course, speaking metaphorically, but I think the image is real. We all have after a certain time in our lives a pretty fixed idea of who we are and of how our lives should be. Unfortunately sometimes these ideas have no true grounding in reality before God. We even in midlife and beyond often have much work to do discovering and celebrating our true selves, the self our Creator breathed us to be from our loving inception.
We have a preset idea of what success and failure are meant to be and we have a hard time redefining things for ourselves. Some of the unnecessary suffering in our lives is due to this hardness of heart. We have come to understand our lives and ourselves in limited ways and to understand who we are by what we do rather than by who we were created to be. We want things to be clear and straightforward and yet we were built to be creatures of awe and mystery. We want what we want when and how we want it, yet consider ourselves to be people of grace open to God and all his ways (until of course his ways are not our ways). We are silly creatures sometimes, aren't we?
So let us come joyfully to God who is the immutable Rock that saves us from ourselves and our inconsistencies and changing definitions of truth. God is the solid Truth within us that remains unchanging as we try on new false definitions over the journey only to finally uncover what we knew all along: we are spirit born of Spirit, we come from God and we are only whole when we are one with I AM WHO AM whose Living Breath alone defines us. Our spirits should then erupt with joy and gratitude, a gratitude that is a deep and lasting thankfulness for the wonder and mystery of our own creation, for the gift of being who we uniquely are. We really are marvelous creatures born of ineffable Love.
Come let us indeed bow down in humility and celebrate this mystery, this gift that is Life. Let us not be stiff-necked or stubborn-hearted, let us just be who we are and let us let God be God in wonder, awe and Mystery. Let us allow ourselves to be shepherded, for even though we think otherwise, we often do not know the way, we only think we do. Let us grow still and quiet when we thirst rather than grumbling,complaining, and quarrelsome. Let us share our thirst with God, trusting he already knows our needs and has already answered them through blessing us with all we need and so much more.
Let us not need to test or try God, let us yield and trust that Love cannot be other than Loving. Then we can go forth through all our deserts, all our cold dark nights, knowing the well of Living Water is already within us. Out thirst will be met and all our heart's deepest needs as well. For as much as we may thirst for God and for many things in Life, God thirsts more in Love for union with us and this passion is a wellspring of hope that can surely be trusted and celebrated as a Holy Light in every darkness.
Let us indeed not harden our hearts but rejoice that God is a God of infinite nearness whose Spirit is even in the breath within us. Today let us indeed hear the voice of God anew speaking to our hearts: and let us respond joyfully genuinely: Speak, Lord, your servant is listening with an open and willing heart!
How long, oh Lord?
A reflection on Habakkuk 1:2-3; 2:2-4
How long, O Lord? I cry out for help but you do not listen! I cry out to you, "Violence!" but you do not intervene. Why do you let me see ruin; why must I look at misery? Destruction and violence are before me; there is strife and clamorous discord .
Then the Lord answered me and said: Write down the vision clearly upon the tablets, so that one can read it readily. For the vision still has its time, presses on to fulfillment, and will not disappoint. If it delays wait for it, it will surely come, it will not be late. The rash man has no integrity; but the just man because of his faith shall live.
This first reading for this Sunday is one I think we can all relate to in our lives for we have all known challenges and struggles. Historically this is an interesting passage in some ways because while we don't think much of challenging God with our perceptions and feelings these days, our ancestors had for a long time a different relationship with God. Humanity for years saw God (or the gods depending on their beliefs) as a deity all too ready to crush men and women if they didn't please him. So complaining to him could get you killed or worse. God was someone you sacrificed to and whom you obeyed to try not to be punished. Unfortunately there are those who haven't progressed from this mind set. Gradually however the Israelites came to have a real relationship with God as a people whose hearts God wanted to share. They risked opening up to God.
Then Jesus comes to show us an even greater image of God, one in which we could really come fully into a relationship of children with God who is Father and Mother to our spirits. This was and still is a radical concept that we may take for granted. Jesus came to show us an image of God we could not imagine in the Old Testament revelations fully. Jesus came to show us a God who not only wasn't interested in squashing us when we failed ,but was more ready to forgive and heal than we could imagine, one who wanted only good for us as a Holy Compassionate Father and an All-loving Mother.
The reason the image of God appears to change through the scriptures is not because God is changing, but because we as a human people are evolving spiritually gradually into a people who can enter into relationship with the Mystery of God in more wholistic ways. We as individuals also evolve or metamorph as we journey spiritually. We each come from unique perspectives of the divine formed from the traditions and images of our families, friends, and churches. At some point though as we mature spiritually, we have to step forward if those traditions are going to have any real meaning for us and enter into a unique relationship with God on our own terms: spirit to Spirit so to speak. I am not trying to trash organized religion, I am a practicing Catholic myself, but I think most organized religions recognize they can only take an individual soul so far, the rest of the journey of awakening has to be undertaken by each of us uniquely and what works best for one will not always be the most suitable for another. Our souls are as varied and unique as the universe God created and yet just as we share the same makeup as the stars; so too the individual human spirit has so much in common with others and with the Spirit from whom we are all authored.
So this passage can be seen then as the sharing of the human heart with the divine heart. God, I'm hurting here, do you even care? None of us have ever experienced this angst right? Yes, this is a part of being human and struggling to reach out in our dark moments to a Light we hope is real. And the Light says: I am real, be not afraid, my Love is greater than all challenges and my Light is greater than all darkness. Hang in there, there is a plan. Believe and trust in me that you may live and live fully.
Jesus through his incarnation says to us: Know you do not hang alone, I have already done the hanging for you and I will never leave you alone in your challenge and suffering. Spirit speaks:
I am the very breath within you, rest assured I walk you through your sufferings and difficulties. I am the very bridge that takes you from the darkness to the Light. Believe; you will not be disappointed. I will not abandon you ever.
To have integrity is simply to be whole, to be true to our oneness with God. If we are awake to this oneness, the ride through the rapids or the climb up the mountains of life will be much less taxing and fearsome.
God's blessing be upon all of us wherever we are on the journey.
How long, O Lord? I cry out for help but you do not listen! I cry out to you, "Violence!" but you do not intervene. Why do you let me see ruin; why must I look at misery? Destruction and violence are before me; there is strife and clamorous discord .
Then the Lord answered me and said: Write down the vision clearly upon the tablets, so that one can read it readily. For the vision still has its time, presses on to fulfillment, and will not disappoint. If it delays wait for it, it will surely come, it will not be late. The rash man has no integrity; but the just man because of his faith shall live.
This first reading for this Sunday is one I think we can all relate to in our lives for we have all known challenges and struggles. Historically this is an interesting passage in some ways because while we don't think much of challenging God with our perceptions and feelings these days, our ancestors had for a long time a different relationship with God. Humanity for years saw God (or the gods depending on their beliefs) as a deity all too ready to crush men and women if they didn't please him. So complaining to him could get you killed or worse. God was someone you sacrificed to and whom you obeyed to try not to be punished. Unfortunately there are those who haven't progressed from this mind set. Gradually however the Israelites came to have a real relationship with God as a people whose hearts God wanted to share. They risked opening up to God.
Then Jesus comes to show us an even greater image of God, one in which we could really come fully into a relationship of children with God who is Father and Mother to our spirits. This was and still is a radical concept that we may take for granted. Jesus came to show us an image of God we could not imagine in the Old Testament revelations fully. Jesus came to show us a God who not only wasn't interested in squashing us when we failed ,but was more ready to forgive and heal than we could imagine, one who wanted only good for us as a Holy Compassionate Father and an All-loving Mother.
The reason the image of God appears to change through the scriptures is not because God is changing, but because we as a human people are evolving spiritually gradually into a people who can enter into relationship with the Mystery of God in more wholistic ways. We as individuals also evolve or metamorph as we journey spiritually. We each come from unique perspectives of the divine formed from the traditions and images of our families, friends, and churches. At some point though as we mature spiritually, we have to step forward if those traditions are going to have any real meaning for us and enter into a unique relationship with God on our own terms: spirit to Spirit so to speak. I am not trying to trash organized religion, I am a practicing Catholic myself, but I think most organized religions recognize they can only take an individual soul so far, the rest of the journey of awakening has to be undertaken by each of us uniquely and what works best for one will not always be the most suitable for another. Our souls are as varied and unique as the universe God created and yet just as we share the same makeup as the stars; so too the individual human spirit has so much in common with others and with the Spirit from whom we are all authored.
So this passage can be seen then as the sharing of the human heart with the divine heart. God, I'm hurting here, do you even care? None of us have ever experienced this angst right? Yes, this is a part of being human and struggling to reach out in our dark moments to a Light we hope is real. And the Light says: I am real, be not afraid, my Love is greater than all challenges and my Light is greater than all darkness. Hang in there, there is a plan. Believe and trust in me that you may live and live fully.
Jesus through his incarnation says to us: Know you do not hang alone, I have already done the hanging for you and I will never leave you alone in your challenge and suffering. Spirit speaks:
I am the very breath within you, rest assured I walk you through your sufferings and difficulties. I am the very bridge that takes you from the darkness to the Light. Believe; you will not be disappointed. I will not abandon you ever.
To have integrity is simply to be whole, to be true to our oneness with God. If we are awake to this oneness, the ride through the rapids or the climb up the mountains of life will be much less taxing and fearsome.
God's blessing be upon all of us wherever we are on the journey.
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